A Poem: Fighting My Hands

“Fighting My Hands”

I turn the corner 

My eyes and ears are open

Where is the hope 

Where is the sun

I do have hope 

Though I am on the run

I burn 

I stride

I cut through the day

Tears sprawl across me

On my arms 

On my legs

They screams they rip

They try to hold me back

Wait wait they say

You don't need that

Don't mind them

Don't love them

Serve your needs

My want and desire 

Raises its hands

It holds my head 

It covers my mouth

It closes my eyes 

I fight back

I love my heart restrained

Where will I go?

What will I do?

Those eyes roll the dice and bets on my frailty

My hands reach out

And I am held firm

A warm glow blankets my body

The scent of hope is in the air

Riding the Bench?

I have never really been good at sports. At an early age I tried out for many like other the other boys but I was small and uncoordinated. I tried but the drills were boring and I would rather goof off than do something boring and uneventful. Consequently I rarely got to actually play in any games. I could play of a game of which caused what, the chicken or the egg but the end result was still the same. Later in life I found a love for music. I wanted to write songs. Most start in music around elementary or junior high school. Most take piano lessons as a child. But for some reason at the age of 21 I decided that I wanted to write and preform songs. I had no idea of what to do or how to do it so I studied. I did not give up and now the last time I tried to count I figured that I have written about 300 songs. 

I have said before that God doesn’t like lazy. Its true, he made this wonderful planet for us to live on and above other creatures to take care of. Its our job to take care of it and one another. God wants us to respect, love and worship him for the gifts of this world and the talents he has bestowed on us. He was us to give back to him. He wants us to tithe at Chruch and give back 10% of all that we have. That’s not much he is asking when you think about it. He also wants us to use our talents to help him. If say, we can write songs, he wants us to write some for him. If we are good with money then he wants us to help him with his so that the Church’s charities can do more and help more in need. I have heard some say, “I have no talents.” For those I think that they just don’t know what their talents are yet. I encourage each and everyone to pray and ask God what your talents are and how to help him using them. For those, “with no talent” you can still help. You can love and nurture someone when they are down. You can help feed the hungry, collect items for the poor and pray for salvation of lost souls. Everyone has a part they can play in God’s kingdom no matter big or small. 

Matthew 25:14-30

14"For it will be as when a man going on a journey called his servants and entrusted to them his property; 15to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 16He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them; and he made five talents more. 17So also, he who had the two talents made two talents more. 18But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. 19Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. 20And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, `Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.' 21His master said to him, `Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master.' 22And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, `Master, you delivered to me two talents; here I have made two talents more.' 23His master said to him, `Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master.' 24He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, `Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not winnow; 25so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.' 26But his master answered him, `You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sowed, and gather where I have not winnowed? 27Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. 28So take the talent from him, and give it to him who has the ten talents. 29For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness; there men will weep and gnash their teeth.'

A Poem: Your Journey

"Your Journey"

Your pain is real 

You collapse into my arms

As the sun rises you refuse

Too much the weight to bear

In my arms safe you float

Slowly to the ground where you belong

On solid ground I Shepard you

Down the hall towards your calling

Your head low my hopes are high

I see the shining light inside

Each day I make your armor

With care I polish and strengthen

Each word I speak 

Each action I make

Is a road I pave for you

One day my strength will fade

I will need to lean to stand

I hope you're there

Standing strong together once again

I know that I am weak

And so I try every day

To think of you 

And what you need 

From me to pass through your days

Please know now that I love you

And I try the best I can

Avoid my mistakes

For the stronger it will make

You in your days of journey

No, the Sky Is Green... Doh!

We live in a strange world right now. I don’t know when we got here if it was over night but I think it was more of a gradual transformation. We seem to live in a society now where we try to think of nothing as wrong just varying points of view. The idea of one truth has seemed to gotten skewed. Maybe it stems from the fact that no one likes being wrong. I remember when I was little I would be in agony sometimes because I mad a mistake and let my parents down. This week at work I realized I had wronged someone at work. Instead of focusing on love I allowed my weakened spirit think only of myself. I could have easily not even acknowledged it. I could have even waited until I found the person in private and then apologized but instead I sought them out and in front of another admitted my mistake and apologized. They tried to give me an easy out but I wouldn’t have it.

As I tell my children so many times rules are there for a reason. Sometimes its for our sake, sometimes the sake of others, I know that the hardest thing I had to do was to admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. See I had been way off the path for a great amount of time. I did a lot of really bad stupid things. When I realized where I was, where I needed to be and why I had to fess up. So I came home to God walking in the door starring at my feet I sat down looked up and started laying it all out everything I was sorry for and asked for forgivness. Its hard to admit we were wrong and I see some defend themselves to no end to avoid admitting it. Whenever faced with the hard reality of sin I first examine it really hard. Why is this wrong? Once I understand it I have an easier time coming to terms with my mistake and asking for forgiveness. God is not cruel. He doesn’t need you to do immensely painful things to make up for your sins. You are his child and like a good parent he just wants to hear you say that you are earnestly sorry and efforts to avoid the same mistake in the future. God loves you and wants you to come home. Waiting with open arms, a warm hug and a understanding smile all you have to do is say you are sorry.

Mark 6:17-29

17For Herod had sent and seized John, and bound him in prison for the sake of Hero'di-as, his brother Philip's wife; because he had married her. 18For John said to Herod, "It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife." 19And Hero'di-as had a grudge against him, and wanted to kill him. But she could not, 20for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and kept him safe. When he heard him, he was much perplexed; and yet he heard him gladly. 21But an opportunity came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his courtiers and officers and the leading men of Galilee. 22For when Hero'di-as' daughter came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests; and the king said to the girl, "Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will grant it." 23And he vowed to her, "Whatever you ask me, I will give you, even half of my kingdom." 24And she went out, and said to her mother, "What shall I ask?" And she said, "The head of John the baptizer." 25And she came in immediately with haste to the king, and asked, saying, "I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter." 26And the king was exceedingly sorry; but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. 27And immediately the king sent a soldier of the guard and gave orders to bring his head. He went and beheaded him in the prison, 28and brought his head on a platter, and gave it to the girl; and the girl gave it to her mother. 29When his disciples heard of it, they came and took his body, and laid it in a tomb.

A Thought: Wait, Wait, Wait, Oops!

Procrastination gets the best of us all at one time or another. For some it becomes a way of life. I can remember a spell when I was in my teens where everything was always done at the last minute. How my grades would have soared if I had put the effort I put into play into them. God wants us to be vigilant. He knows that for us how he acts is very slowly. I can’t really recall much in the bible that happened fast. He knows that our minds wander and we can be easily distracted, but like a good parent he wants us to learn to focus. He wants us to appreciate the longterm goal and how many more goods are raised from being patient over the instant gratification. It can be so difficult in an age of “hustle and bustle” to slow down, unplug, stop, take a big breath and reflect on what our goal is every day. 

God gave us his son who died for our sins and established the Church. It was then given to us through Peter to take care of it. Sometimes I wonder what our review would be if it was given today. I would say that some do really well. Though I myself being in the position I am and talking to the people I see hear something disturbing far too often. Words of, “I stop going to Church cause I was rejected”. When I hear these words I lower my head and I pray for help in Church hoping that no one ever feels that pain again. I was there once myself and I left for quite sometime. For all those that attend, please love. When you see someone new, smile, say hello. The Church is for you but it is for everyone. Christianity is not some exclusive club, it is here for all. 

I realize that men and women are flawed and we make mistakes. I will be the first to admit that I do some pretty stupid things sometimes, but if you are reading this and need a home. Please come home, the Church does want you. Actually, we need you, you have talents from God that are a blessing to this world. I feel so more alive now than I ever have in life. I experience a love that filled that deep dark hole that lay inside me so long ago. God commands us to love one another like we love ourselves and where we can learn that and put it into action is Church and as we strengthen that love we then must take it out into the world to share.

Matthew 24:42-51

42Watch therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. 43But know this, that if the householder had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have watched and would not have let his house be broken into. 44Therefore you also must be ready; for the Son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect. 45"Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom his master has set over his household, to give them their food at the proper time? 46Blessed is that servant whom his master when he comes will find so doing. 47Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions. 48But if that wicked servant says to himself, `My master is delayed,' 49and begins to beat his fellow servants, and eats and drinks with the drunken, 50the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know, 51and will punish him, and put him with the hypocrites; there men will weep and gnash their teeth.

A Poem: Waiting for the Turn

Waiting for the Turn

How do I feel 

Lost, but hope still shines

Shines in my heart

Filled with hope

It's glow guides the way

Where all is lost

I try to love

I try to sew

Seeds of of love

That blossom into hope

Bearing the fruit of peace

Many come to clear the ground

To up root the trees

To cut the garden

And burn its fruit

Why?

Do hearts harden

Does hate reign

Fists clinch

Pierce and let blood rain

How big a hole

How big the hate

What can fill such a divide

Love that grows and multiplies

Love that is firm like the rock

Heavy weighted and sound

Can this now be seen

A lone candle in the night

Shining bright seen from far away

Awaiting other wicks

To be lit

To shine bright

All that's needed

Is desire

Is faith

And open hands

Waiting are the eyes

Waiting are the arms

Warm and welcoming

Wide and strong

Held out forever

Waiting for return  

A Thought: The Gift of Sweaty Funk Nasty

Yesterday I went to work and I was struck with a decision to make. I work in a very dirty messy environment and my job it is to clean and fill in wherever needed. I approached my area for the moment and it was completely trashed. The person responsible for that area to clean was gone on vacation. His fellow co-workers in his team had not gotten there yet, and I wasn’t sure if they were going to. At my work there is a culture of, “This is my box that of things I do and anything outside of it I don’t touch”. It was a very hot day outside and this place was sheltered from breeze. What did I do? I grabbed a shovel and started digging. Wheel barrel after barrel I finally got it clean in between the work I was doing. I had the ability to help and so I did. I only hope that someone saw I was working outside my box and decided maybe to start doing the same.

God definitely doesn’t like lazy. He understands that we all have different gifts and abilities and disabilities but he doesn’t want us standing idle in the fields or in the Church. He wants us involved. He wants us to take care of ourselves. He wants us to take care of others out of love. Also he wants us to take care of his Church by speaking his word not only in his house but especially outside of it. He wants to make sure that we help him touch all, help all, welcome all into his Church. Its easy to be idle, to goto Church and then come home and not think of God until the next Sunday, but that is not what God wants. God wants everyone at his house/table so that he can share his gifts. We not only help others by sharing his word of love and compassion, but we also get a deeper understanding of his love and ways as we work to bring God to others. 

2 Thessalonians 3:6-10, 16-18

6Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is living in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. 7For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us; we were not idle when we were with you, 8we did not eat any one's bread without paying, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not burden any of you. 9It was not because we have not that right, but to give you in our conduct an example to imitate. 10For even when we were with you, we gave you this command: If any one will not work, let him not eat. 16Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in all ways. The Lord be with you all. 17I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand. This is the mark in every letter of mine; it is the way I write. 18The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

A Poem: Upward

"Upward"

Push I do against the rock

The boulder that strains my body

The hill so steep

Is it a mountain?

Into your eyesight look

Will I see recognition?

Will I see anger?

Along the road you travel

I see you fall in pain

By your side I lift you up

I hold you close

Comfort I dispense

Forward you move 

Leaning hard on me 

I feel alone on this mountain

Still pushing on this boulder

Through the valleys of my face

The sweat rushes like a spring rapid

Rough edges dig into my skin

Pierce my flesh

The pain and agony

Still I push you up this hill

From time to time 

You try to roll aside

You try to roll back down

Dig in I do

With all my might

For I don't want you to fall

Alone on this mountain?

Alone in my quest?

Alone with this boulder?

Upwards I beg

I plea for help

For I do not want you to fall

On my back the

Cool touch of a warm hand

A whisper in the wind

"Don't give up"

Again I dig in and dig deep

And again I continue to push 

Upwards

A Thought: Why I Have A Busted Lip

I get a real kick out of my anger sometimes, oh now mind you in the moment I am really mad but its funny when its all over. Mind you, I am talking of the times of such when something isn’t going my way and I get angry. Its has happened a million times I bet, but something won’t go right, I get mad and then I end up hitting my head on something. I get so focused on my anger and what didn’t go right that I completely stop paying attention to what is going around me. Its sorta like watching the Three Stooges when I get angry. 

But thats a problem today so many are focused on the wrong things. I have seen this happen in cycles for many a person. They will be doing okay and then, when they are confident that everything is fine they slowly start to wander off the path. I have heard many a story about how this person or that person is living their life wrong yet the person speaking to me has their own issues. How many times have we seen the story of the pastor that get caught living an unGodly life? Too many times, but first we need to take pause and realize that as humans we have 2 things. We have free will and we are flawed. Its a sure bet that we are going to make mistakes. As Christians thats part of our duty, we need to stay together as a community and help each other when we get off track. 

God loves us and he knows that we cannot do it alone so he gave us each other. We each have gifts that complement each other to help make the journey to heaven easier. We must be humble though and first focus on our own hearts. For if we focus ourselves our light will shine bright to help lead the way for others. We are like a lamp and if we do not tend to ourselves our light may burn out. Perhaps the glass around our flame may become dirty and hard for others to see. However if we keep the wick trimmed, the oil fueled the glass clean then our light can shine and be a guiding light for others.

Matthew 23:23-26

23"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice and mercy and faith; these you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. 24You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel! 25"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you cleanse the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of extortion and rapacity. 26You blind Pharisee! first cleanse the inside of the cup and of the plate, that the outside also may be clean.

A Thought: Like a Smack in the Face!

So many times I have heard people say in conversation words to the effect of, “I cannot believe in God because this person did something not Christian”. I can understand the logic. Thing is even Christians are flawed and will make mistakes. Try as we may we are not perfect and sin. Its God who you need to follow not man or woman. We need leaders in the Church but men and women can be corrupted so you need to keep a watchful eye. One who knows the scriptures can suss someone that wanders off the path. The word of the Bible is right and true men and women wander. 

In Jesus’s time many leaders of the temple had become corrupt and lost their way. Thats part of the reason why Jesus came. To set us all straight on what is important and what should be our mission. This angered many in power in the temple and led in part to his crucifixion. 

Know this God wants us all to come to him. He loves all of us and wants us all to follow his ways to make this the best earth we possibly can. He wants us to do this by worshiping and loving him for God gave us the gift of this world and salvation, and he wants us to love and help each other to make the a peaceful world to live in. Christians are not to gossip or judge on another. We may make note some who are on the wrong path and encourage others to stay away if said person doesn’t want to see the direction of their ways, but that doesn’t give us the right to condemn a person. Everything we are to do is to be done in love. Yes, it can be hard to love some people some times, but you will never know when you will wander off the path. If you did would you want someone to help you back with love or would you want someone to judge you with scorn?

13 'Alas for you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut up the kingdom of Heaven in people's faces, neither going in yourselves nor allowing others to go who want to.

14

15 'Alas for you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over sea and land to make a single proselyte, and anyone who becomes one you make twice as fit for hell as you are.

16 'Alas for you, blind guides! You say, "If anyone swears by the Temple, it has no force; but anyone who swears by the gold of the Temple is bound."

17 Fools and blind! For which is of greater value, the gold or the Temple that makes the gold sacred?

18 Again, "If anyone swears by the altar it has no force; but anyone who swears by the offering on the altar, is bound."

19 You blind men! For which is of greater worth, the offering or the altar that makes the offering sacred?

20 Therefore, someone who swears by the altar is swearing by that and by everything on it.

21 And someone who swears by the Temple is swearing by that and by the One who dwells in it.

22 And someone who swears by heaven is swearing by the throne of God and by the One who is seated there.

A Poem: Tested Flesh

“Tested Flesh”

In my face a smiling blade 

It tells me to stay

It tells me to bleed 

As my agony spreads across the floor

Alone I weep

Alone I ache

Slowly it rides up my torso

Slowly it tears

Slowly it plows

The seeds of fear it tries to plant

Inside my heart

Inside my soul

From a distance I hear

A lone plea 

A lone peer

They tell me it will fade

It will, the pain 

It will, the bleeding

As I reject the temptation of flesh

It burns in me

It makes me bleed

The voice now close it's hand on my shoulder

Holding me warm 

Holding me firm

The waves recede and he is still with me

Through the dark 

Through the night

Left behind is the scar of the knife

Not to forget

Not to take light

A Poem: Ashamed

“Ashamed”

Lying on the floor I hold my breath

Waiting as the cool breeze passes over my body

I wait and hold back the rage

Disappointment comes over me 

Sinking in my chest knows my heart 

Tarnished again I just want to fade

I hear the singing in the distance

Notes floating on the air a tear slowly rolls

I feel the pull hooks deep inside of me

Slowly sinking into the dirt I go

Over my finger nails I try to grasp

I try to dig in I want to fight

I reach out into the void

Yearning for the light

Yearning for some hope

All of my world has come crashing down

Slowly a whisper crawls across my lips

Asking for forgiveness I still feel dirty inside

A rain drop of a tear falls into my hand

A warm embrace comes over me

Lifting gently I begin to become whole again 

A Thought: Choosing, the Brain Teaser of All Time

I was watching a rerun of Big Bang Theory last night. It was about when Sheldon had to choose between PS4 and Xbox One. It was hilarious to watch, even for the second time but odd that also arrived at a time when I have a decision myself. Do I keep the job I have or try and move on? The fact is that we have lots of decisions to make everyday. Most are easy, I myself will way the pros and cons of each possible outcome. Usually a good choice makes itself perfectly clear. Its when we get hung up on decisions that seem to be even that are hard. Don’t fret the little stuff, problem is sometimes we forget what the really big things are. Mary (mother of Jesus) had a big decision. Help God or refuse, live her life as she was or become an unwed mother in a time when adultery could get you stoned to death. Wrapping ourselves up in what car to buy, what job to work and guitar strings to use is really of no consequence. Yes, could any of those decisions prove to not work out the way we want? Yes, but they are easily, learned from, corrected and we can move forward. 

The real important stuff is what we decide to anchor our life on. I was once a man of consumption. Not many times did I think about what I was putting out in the world. After a divorce that almost emotionally leveled me I began to take stock of what and who I was. Looking hard in that mirror I decided that I became a rather ugly person. Slowly I started to change myself. There were some set backs, but I changed my job, where I lived and my attitude on how to live my life. All of these things I anchored on God. I really started to learn about Jesus and started to follow his teachings. My life is now more full and happy. I am sure that there are some out there shaking their heads. Some may think that changing jobs is not a small thing. I know I used to feel the same way because that was my world. That is what I anchored my life on. Now I anchor my life on loving God, following Jesus’s teachings, loving everyone I meet and helping all I can with whatever I have. The rest falls in place where it needs to. I care about other things but decisions are now easier because I have a rock everything is built on, and its funny how if I find myself having a hard time making a decision it probably not that important at all.

Luke 1:26-38

26In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. 28And he came to her and said, "Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you!"29But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and considered in her mind what sort of greeting this might be. 30And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there will be no end." 34And Mary said to the angel, "How shall this be, since I have no husband?" 35And the angel said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. 36And behold, your kinswoman Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37For with God nothing will be impossible." 38And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.

A Poem: The New Day

“The New Day”

As the day cracks so do my joints 

Like dry branches on a summer day

Crack, crack, crack slowly I try to align

As the sun slowly pierces my eyelids 

I hear the hum of a new day

The pillow beckons to me

Stay, stay asleep we need you

Sleep, sleep you want to

Again the alarm of agony screams

It's raging tones of hideous nature

Echoing in my ear canal

All is not fair

All is not right 

My sleeping sights and the land of paradise gone

As I rise my feet feet fall beneath me 

As they sway they try to swing back up to comfort

Pushing them down I place them on the ground

Upward I soar so I try at this hour

As a zombie I shuffle to the warm spring of life

To the shower I stumble

As the water rolls over me I feel lady awake at my doorstep

And upstairs I climb again to awaken my family

To them I am the harbinger of bad news

Though predictable each day I catch them off guard

Each day I receive the glare of unconsciousness

Each day I move forward

Each day I love

Each day I try to sing

Sing in the new day that has become  

A Thought: So You Say You Want to Win the Lottery

Sometimes we win the lottery and we don’t even know it. Yesterday at work I got the call that my mother was in a car accident and there was no info on how bad it was yet. All I knew was a vague location and that they were cutting her out of the car. At work there was nothing I could do but pray. I sent out a quick message to a few people asking for prayers and that was it. All that was left was to sit and wait and pray. I began to think about my mother what it might mean if things weren’t okay and she was taken from me. I thought about some of the millions of times together that I could remember. I felt so calm because I was so lucky. I was lucky to have a Mom that taught me so much to navigate this twisted world I live in. I felt like I had won the lottery. I prayed hard almost nonstop. “Please God keep my Mom safe”, over and over and over again, and then I got the call. She was fine, a couple minor bumps and bruises and she came home after a quick check out. 

Immediately I thanked God over and over. Its easy when the coast is clear to forget about God but oh how some of us beg when under pressure. I wonder if God feels like I do sometimes when I have one of my children approach me. “Dad please, please help me, this project is do tomorrow can you help me build this?”, which usually means I will build it while they stand there. I smile and chuckle now recalling such instances but it stings a little. Why did they wait till the last minute? I would have gladly helped at any time, but now with seconds dwindling I am rushing to make a robot on a track that is functional and good so that my son can get a good grade for what I don’t even know. 

God wants to be there for all of us at any given moment but we have to let him in. If a stranger came up to you and asked for $1,000 would you give it to him? If you knew someone all of you life, they loved you very much, helped you whenever you needed it, and then one day asked you for $1,000 would you give it? I condemn no one. I am no better than no one. God invites us all to heaven but we have to heed his word. You have free will. You can do what you want. What do you want to do?

Matthew 22:1-14

1And again Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying, 2"The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a marriage feast for his son, 3and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the marriage feast; but they would not come. 4Again he sent other servants, saying, `Tell those who are invited, Behold, I have made ready my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves are killed, and everything is ready; come to the marriage feast.' 5But they made light of it and went off, one to his farm, another to his business, 6while the rest seized his servants, treated them shamefully, and killed them. 7The king was angry, and he sent his troops and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. 8Then he said to his servants, `The wedding is ready, but those invited were not worthy. 9Go therefore to the thoroughfares, and invite to the marriage feast as many as you find.' 10And those servants went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good; so the wedding hall was filled with guests. 11"But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment; 12and he said to him, `Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless. 13Then the king said to the attendants, `Bind him hand and foot, and cast him into the outer darkness; there men will weep and gnash their teeth.' 14For many are called, but few are chosen." 

A Poem: Lost In the Desert

“Lost In the Desert”

Blind in the desert thirsty for water 

I hear that you might be in the room

Just a whisper rumor innuendo

I whisper that someone would slap me in the face

Hands bound by the decisions of old

Passerby spits at my shoe

I don't know what I don't know 

And what you know is hid from me

I lay naked in the desert

All my wounds on show

Could you love me could you help me

It's the last call you say its time to go?

Calluses and blisters line my hands 

To touch anything is pain

I would deal with a thousand wounds

Just to know the truth today

Blinded by the fire of your glare 

I hear some footsteps they approach

A gentle touch upon my back

I rise but still no hope

Will you kill me

Will you beat me

I wish that it would just all end

But then a warm embrace occurs

And with knowledge my healing begins

Everything I'm given free 

Why did so many pass by

Why did so many ignore 

Why could no one else try

It's been quite a long journey

And now I have just begun

But now I am fed and watered

I am on the path

To go where I belong 

A Thought: Being Stubborn and Learning Something New

I am going to admit that I am a bit stubborn. Everyone who knows me well will attest to this. Now I will say that I am not bullheaded but I am stubborn which means that I can listen to reason it just takes a bit of time. I find this trait helpful when I am on a mission. Being stubborn makes it hard to distract me and move my focus. However one down side is that if I am going somewhere and I am going to be late I just to opt not go sometimes. Too many times I sat in the movie theater wonder what was going on for the whole flick cause I showed up late and missed something and so I feel lost. I hate feeling lost. Problem is showing up late may mean that I am missing out on a little bit but what can be worse is missing out on the whole thing. 

God is kinda like that. He don’t care who you are, where you are from, how much money you have, what you look like, nothing. God doesn’t care about anything about  you. Now this is the part where some of my non believer friends will be like, “oh well I met a so called Christian one time and they treated me like crap!” Dude, straight up right now I will say that I am sorry. To be honest just cause were Christian don’t mean we’re perfect. Christians make mistakes too. So please, I am sorry please forgive us and our shortcomings and give God another shot. You gotta question or want someone to goto Church with ask me. I got your back. God just wants you to show up. It doesn’t matter if you show up on time or 10 years late. He loves you and wants you there.  Jesus teaches God loves us all the same no matter what. All he wants is for you to love him with all your body, mind and soul and to love everyone you meet as you love yourself. Its not always easy, especially in the beginning but trust me you start following the words of Jesus and your life opens up in a way that is special. I have never been so happy in my life. Even when I get down and out and things are terrible I would still rather be a Christian going through pain then how I used to, ALONE and empty.

So don’t worry about what other people say, what you think or how you feel. God loves you and there is a whole bunch of other people out there that want to love you too. So I encourage you to find that nerdy Church freak you know and ask them if you can go to Church with them. Open that Bible and read about what Jesus taught. Come spend some hang time with God cause it only gets better and better. 

Matthew 20:1-16

1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. 2After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. 3And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market place; 4and to them he said, `You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went. 5Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. 6And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing; and he said to them, `Why do you stand here idle all day?' 7They said to him, `Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, `You go into the vineyard too.' 8And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, `Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.' 9And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius. 10Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. 11And on receiving it they grumbled at the householder, 12saying, `These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.' 13But he replied to one of them, `Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14Take what belongs to you, and go; I choose to give to this last as I give to you. 15Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?' 16So the last will be first, and the first last."

A Poem: "Lost In Pain"

"Lost In Pain"

Blood pulses in my eyes

A sickness rises from my gut

Pain pain pain I'm soaked

My fingers burn

My head's a fire

All in my path

Death death death lays before me

Choke I try

Cut I try

Push push push it away

I am dying

The inside out

I beg beg beg

I try to understand

I have hope

I have love

Down down down I push

Flush away the pain I try

Flush away the hate I try

Try try try to understand

Cry I would but for the pain

Hug I would but for the pain

On the ledge 

At the edge

Looking 

Down down down at the burn

Down down down at the hate

Down down down at the pain

Up I look 

Up I beg

On my knees again

Waiting for the sun

Still I hope

Just for relief

Just a second

Just a thought 

For a moment

To be me again 

A Thought: Stuff That Keeps Getting In the Way

There are times when I find myself just spending my days taking care of “stuff”. I move it, clean it, work on it, work with it, play with it and all other kinds of “its” with my “stuff”. God wants our focus to be on him. Not because he is a complete ego maniac but because he knows that we are easily distracted. I have two young boys and all I used to hear about was video games. When they would play, what they would play, how they would play, they would get angry and mistreat one another if they interfered with each’s video games. So I put it to a stop and put them on high restriction where they could only play on the weekends when all of there chores and responsibilities were taken care of. An amassing thing happened they slowly began to think of other things. It was easy to teach them because video games weren’t lingering in their mind. From time to time they still slip and want to binge but for the most part they are more focused on important things.

God doesn’t care if you have money, material possessions or power. What does concern him though is that if we spend too much time acquiring such things then we spend less time doing what is really important. See this would works pretty good but it works a whole lot better when we care for one another. If we start focusing on things of man then we loose focus of love. I used to idolize guitars and music. There were never enough guitars hanging on my wall. I spent all my free time searching for the next purchase. Everything was kept in balance by my music and guitars. Problem was guitars weren’t perfect. On a bad day my guitars couldn’t give me advice on how to act. Because I was focused on collecting guitars and playing music so much I missed out on problems in my life when they were small and I didn’t notice till they were large and hard to handle. 

When God says “every one who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. “, this means that those who leave behind desires men and women have and focus God’s mission they will easily enter the kingdom of heaven because they will have taken on a life of sacrifice and love instead of one worshiping “idols” by means of collecting “stuff”, money or power. You can get into heaven rich, poor, powerful, nobody, with everything or nothing the key is that you love God with all your heart and love everyone as you would want to be loved. God doesn’t want us to focus on things he wants us to focus on him and how to love and that is the guide and map to get into heaven. He sent Jesus down with some pretty good lessons on how to live. I suggest reading his lessons in the Bible. I have taken Jesus as my savior, my hero, the person I base my life on and who I look up to. Am I perfect? No, I make mistakes all the time but God doesn’t expect us to be perfect. All we have to do is ask for forgiveness and try to do better. God already loves us. He just wants us to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. 

Matthew 19:23-30

23And Jesus said to his disciples, "Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 25When the disciples heard this they were greatly astonished, saying, "Who then can be saved?" 26But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." 27Then Peter said in reply, "Lo, we have left everything and followed you. What then shall we have?" 28Jesus said to them, "Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of man shall sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And every one who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. 30But many that are first will be last, and the last first.

A Thought: Getting That Cramping Feeling

One thing that I really love is time. I am an artist of sorts and I just love time to think. With time I can create. To a certain degree I am fascinated by time but that is on another level. Right now though I am hitting a rather uncomfortable spot in my life. I am being called to use my time on a bunch of tasks that I wouldn’t normally choose to do and this has eliminated just about all of my free time. Sometimes I will go about my day and feel cramped and uncomfortable. The fact is though people need me and, there are many way worse off. God has no problem pushing us out of our comfort zones to get our attention. In fact he basically demands it. This is where some of my nonbeliever friends would say that makes God unfair or show that he doesn’t care about me, them or you. God wants us to walk away from the demands of our “flesh” or Id.

Id

The id (Latin for "it")[3] is the unorganized part of the personality structure that contains a human's basic, instinctual drives. Id is the only component of personality that is present from birth.[4] It is the source of our bodily needs, wants, desires, and impulses, particularly our sexual and aggressive drives. 

Anyone can take care of themselves for the most part. If we merely wanted to be like animals that is what we would do but God wants us to rise above that he wants us to use our intellect and compassion to help others. If we would all get on board and help our fellow person the we would truly make this world a better place. We as a people could conquer anything. Doing this, to sacrifice our desires for others needs means to love. If you take a look at the ten commandments is all about loving God then each other.

God wants us to love him like a parent wants us to love them. He provided us with life a place to live he provided us with being. He made us out of love. Why I don’t know, perhaps he didn’t want to be alone? Thats going to be one of my top questions when I meet him. 

However loving like God wants us to can be a challenge. Its supposed to be. He didn’t make robots he made us. He wants us to choose. I can make my children do certain things but really I want to teach them and watch them choose to be good people, do good things and help make the world a better place. God is the same way. If I give my son 3 cookies because I think he deserves a treat will I be upset if all of a sudden, 2 other children arrives and he doesn’t share? No, but my heart will glow with pride if he does. Its not about what we have to do, its about what we should do. We could be “selfish” and just take care of our own needs, and I will admit in tough times thats what we have to do sometimes. But to be able to think of others, love others, be on the look out and actively love/help others is truly what God wants. He gave us his son Jesus. He sent him here to teach us to love in the hopes that we would learn, realize and spread the beautiful thing that life can become with God and because of God. 

Matthew 19:16-22

16And behold, one came up to him, saying, "Teacher, what good deed must I do, to have eternal life?" 17And he said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? One there is who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments." 18He said to him, "Which?" And Jesus said, "You shall not kill, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, 19Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 20The young man said to him, "All these I have observed; what do I still lack?" 21Jesus said to him, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." 22When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions.