A Poem: Rocks

Rocks

A stone laid at my feet shines in the sun

The cool spring breeze rolls over my back

The trees and their  branches wave hello

I hear a whisper the stone is calling

Such a fine day the ponds water sits still

Still the stone is calling with its whisper

In my mind my youth my hope abounds

Days filed with skipping rocks

Across the pond they skipped till sinking

Birds passing waving goodbye to the stones

The beach so plentiful so many rocks shining

Again I would leave and again return

In the spring and summer the rock waited

Holding fast they held the shore and erosion at bay

The water so persistent always breaking against the earth

My hands dry through the test of time the rocks wait

Sturdy and strong they hold

Till it is there time to go skipping

A hawk cries in the background of a autumn day

My eyes ever piercing look all around

The rocks now fewer for years of skipping

I see new shapes on the horizon

Docks, bridges and even homes so strong

Holding the test of time holding the warmth of love

All built with rocks so small so strong

Together in creation far and wide

My eyes dimming still see the day

Will I build or skip today

New Song: Who Am I?

Click here to listen to the song!

I write music in my free time. I don't really align with just one genre. Very early on I did a lot of "metal" music and was in a few "hard rock/heavy metal" bands. This song is indicative of that genre. If you like other types of music I would checking some of my other songs out. They range from this all the way to "Pop" music. You can catch them at:

http://www.reverbnation.com/whisperbehindthelight

We all got somebody or had somebody in our life that just didn't make sense and we felt as if they were a fair weather friend. This song goes out to those types of song. I am a lot more careful now about my "friends". I dunno think what you think and do what you do this is me.

“Who Am I?”

Who am I?

Nothing?

I don’t know much of what your doing now

All I know is that I think you hate me

I gotta guess cause you won’t talk to me

It’s really old but I gotta move on yeah

What could I say I had to move on yeah

Before my death became the flame

That lit the room of all the dead voices

The one that I had to try and leave

I could have stayed and let them eat me

Every word and its poison taste

Who am I to try and live a life now

Who am I to try and live free

Who am I?

Nothing?

Who am I?

Something?

I need this peace in me 

Before I drown

I know you needed me

We all need a clown

Lets watch the jester dance sneer all the fiends 

But when your backs not turned your a friend to me

You’ll raise a mug of ale to ease my pain

Then sit and watch me dance and incinerate

Two times is much to much for friends like you

Who just want entertainment from a bag of fools

Its gone on way to long now  the tables turn

Its time to be set free and watch the watchers burn

Who am I?

Nothing?

Who am I?

Something?

Who am I?

Nothing?

Who am I?

Something?

Was every word you spoke to me 

Just a pile of lies

Was every time you hung with me

Just more fuel for your fire

Was there any sincerity

In any words you spoke

Or was I just a joke to you

You could sit and watch and choke

Who am I?

Nothing?

Who am I?

Something?

Who am I?

Nothing?

Who am I?

Something?

A Poem: Changing of the Gaurd

Changing of the Guard

My shadow stretches out in front of me

The moon calling it rises from its slumber

The cry of a small child rings in the distance

No one wonders whet its for

Claws ready to clinch the flower it may just die

A whistle blows and winter begins 

What might bold back the lies

Ever waiting the skinny old man licks his lips

The young virgin runs from the market

He knows his time is coming to be sold

Three rats per the pound

Fishing for a deal in this bounty

The cold stretching shadow has no boundaries

No where to hid from tis reach

Multitudes clap and whistle 

Fresh meat is on display

Each snap a counter weight for judgment

The highest bidder inside the question

Outside of himself strung up along

No one questions no one saves

The best has come first 

On parade are the leftovers

Far off the side a lamp is lit

It shines and dares to cast off the shadow

Few heads turn for the reaping

To blind to see a new rising

Oiled and strong the gears turn

A new hour has begun

Where Are You Going?

Sometimes we do things and we do not know why. Its really important to pay attention to what we are doing and why we are doing it. It is so easy to go through life on auto pilot. We may go places but miss the point and the experiences along the way. I have the privilege to be the father of 4 young children and like any other parent I have my patience and wit tested on nearly a daily basis. I try to be very slow to anger. I try often to pause and put them sitting at the table or out of eyesight while I deliberate how to handle the situation. I feel very lucky to be a father for I learn so much from my children from their mistakes and the paths that they attempt to take through the world. I have to remind myself that they are blank slates and need guidance and tutelage to get through life's everyday curves, slopes and temptations. Often I find myself going back in time remembering when I did similar things, and as I dole any punishment if needed I speak with a compassionate tone. I often ask if they have any questions to make sure that they understand. We are all on a path and it is important to understand where we are going and why and what values we will use to guide us for on every journey is not done in solitude. We meet so many people along the way and affect their lives as we cross them. I am thankful that I have learned the value of reading my Bible and the teachings that it has to offer. I learn so much on where I am going and what to be prepared for when I am on my way. I encourage you to do the same. I know that it may be intimidating or you may feel that it is down right stupid, but there is knowledge there. And as we walk through life it is wise to have the guidance of others that have walked our similar roads so many times before. Ask if you have questions, be patient not many things in the Bible happen very quickly. There is purpose in that. So be aware of what is out there for yes there are those that find pleasure in swaying your opinions and path in life. The most important question of all though is, where do you want to go? Matthew 11: 2 - 11
2	Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples
3	and said to him, "Are you he who is to come, or shall we look for another?"
4	And Jesus answered them, "Go and tell John what you hear and see:
5	the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them.
6	And blessed is he who takes no offense at me."
7	As they went away, Jesus began to speak to the crowds concerning John: "What did you go out into the wilderness to behold? A reed shaken by the wind?
8	Why then did you go out? To see a man clothed in soft raiment? Behold, those who wear soft raiment are in kings' houses.
9	Why then did you go out? To see a prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet.
10	This is he of whom it is written, `Behold, I send my messenger before thy face, who shall prepare thy way before thee.'
11	Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has risen no one greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

A Poem: Forgiveness

“Forgiveness”

A small gift floats dan and perches on my shoulder

Light that is beautiful surrounds me 

Melting it soaks into my skin

Its warmth becomes mine I am undeserving

Alive with its glow I pass through life

A way for others I could show but not for me but you

Cold and naked I sat on jagged rocks 

Ignorant and ashamed I hid from the world

Seeing for miles I could to see you next to me

I felt your smile the whisper of hope

Ankles and wrists are scarred from slavery

With my knees on the ground your key melts away the chains

In the open prairie I dance

The soil I till it is fruitful gifts received from you

In the summer tending garden my hand is lacerated

Pooling on the ground my blood is with the weeds

Watering them the weeds grow wrapping around my neck, wrists and ankles

I begin to be choked and die

To my knees I fall grasping for a breath

My eyes look up to the sun now gone

Blotted out by the tall weeds of shame

As my tear falls yet another gift floats down

All is well in me

A Poem: Who's the Keeper

Who’s the Keeper

Turning back on the old wheel spinning round

Frozen in the cold of my station 

Hearts pumping an old tars viscosity

Hold up the flower and beg for sunshine

In and out with my eyes ope rolled and blood shot

The old woman waves a toothless grin

She wants to steal the child’s bread

Starvation is the new character moral

Dance with spinning hungry lions

The blood will never drip slowly

The vultures like to wait for the cries 

Music that floats on a the pain of a man

Tears that roll down the cheeks of a beautiful woman

She has the key they want her

He is demeaned he’s bloated

Where is the path that holds the spring rivers truth

Is it hidden by the weeds or are dying roses to pretty to look past

The wheel spins and creaks in the wind

The desert heat is the rich man smile

Sell another button for proud fan fair

He bows and all members of court applaud 

Without him the would have to think

Without him they might be free

Being free the might fail

Failing they might get hurt

They are luck the fat rich man keeps them safe

Out of trouble in the desert

Waide's Story: Out the Door

Out the Door

Waide passed out the door to his apartment and quickly got in his car. His so called friends lamented that he was the worst driver in the world due to the fact that he always drove under the speed limit. He had a spell of a recklessness in the past but it caught up with him one day ending in a bad car accident. He totaled his fathers car and some of the passengers in the other car were hurt, but not too bad. It was yet another reality check of what he could do when he went about his life care free. He loved to drive fast though he never would. He always tried to stay at least 3 mile an hour under the speed limit and paused grossly at stop signs. He couldn’t stand to have another accident he could stand to make another mistake. His life was already bad enough. Buckling his seatbelt he quickly checked his mirrors and backed out of his parking spot. Something caught his eye, it was the woman with red hair. He had noticed her many times before but never said a word to her let alone smile at her. He always noticed the necklace that she wore. He couldn’t make it out what kind of pendent was hanging on it. The object was rather small and just glittered in the sun like some sort of homing beacon. Waide would fantasize every once in a while about having a conversation with her maybe even going to the grocery store. That was one of his favorite places to watch people. He could tell a lot about a person by what kind of groceries he saw in other peoples carts. Waide always used a basket because he rarely bought that much in advance and those green reusable bags made him feel like he wasn’t much of a man. 

“What the hell are you doing? Stay on task and get to work before you are late!”, exclaimed the voice in his head. “Shut up just shut up and leave me alone”, Waide exclaimed back out loud. Quickly he looked around to see if anyone noticed that he was yelling at himself. He always kept his cellphone handy though in case someone did see him. He could always just wave it at the impending watcher and act as if he was talking hands free to someone. No one was looking though especially the red headed woman. She was now out of sight. Waide put the car into gear and slowly backed out of his parking spot and pulled forward out of the parking lot of his building. Off to work he started to scan the radio for something interesting to listen to. He liked a wide variety of music. It was about the only thing that kept his conscience at bay and kept him in a good place when the voices got particularly loud. It was a mild summer morning and the traffic wasn’t bad. He got there about ten minutes early as planned so that he wouldn’t have to rush in and jump to work. He parked his car and walked across the parking lot there were already quite a few cars there. As he walked through the restaurant and into the dish room to take his position it was clear that it was going to be a busy day. With no one else there were already about fifteen bus tubs full of dishes waiting for him. Waide sighed and walked in started unloading the dishes into various sorted stacks. 

“Mmm Mmm, gotta get me some of that”, the female voice was all to familiar. Waide tried to ignore but felt guilty that it would be too unkind a thing to do. “Yeah this slop is to die for huh?”, Waide slowly turned around and looked at Brooke out of the corner of his eye.

“Well that slop aint what I’m talking about”, Brooke replied. Indeed it was going to be a long day for Waide. He had barely even started and he already started to feel overwhelmingly dirty.

A Poem: Walking In A Circle

Walking In A Circle

Hold out for a century

My arms are getting tired

The chains that bind my fee and hands are starting to burn

I watch a blister forming

I feel the sand paper burn

Inside my last dimension where my fever starts to swell

Infected by the anger

Decaying with its puss

I am a lone survivor who nobody wants to trust

In and out of conscience

Hoping for a star

Waiting for some new relief

Being quaint seems so dire

Listening for the train now

Waiting by the line

Holding out for last resorts

As I walk away from this

Poem: Outside the Party

“Outside the Party”

Feeling the open air I am still in the birdcage

Watching the earth spinning by smiling

They tell me the water is great “come in”

Slowly the door shuts on the dark room

The sand sifts slowly down its hard to breath

I change my shape in seconds to minutes

Weeks pass I feel the sickness growing

A haunting mother tries to nurse her children

Children dance and laugh on the clock

The hands spin the scythes are sharp

The old man butcher is never out of work

Too many to feed that can’t walk on their own

Their fat weighs them down and breaks their legs

A lace handkerchief floats by

It holds an intoxicifying scent of youth unchained

A lucky soul has broke free of the wheel

Bloodstained gears are not fed by it

far is the horizon with its golden call

Its soul sweet it pacifies the soul

A promise after fade that young children will giggle

A welcoming smile from the homely mother

Rest will be endless with the work al done

The earth will slow its spin

The cold will loose its edge

A new manor will open its door

Waide's Story: Moving Forward

Moving Forward

“What are you doing?”, whispered the voice inside his head. “Nothing, and shut up!” Waide exclaimed aloud. His conscience was getting the better of him and being rather loud today. Suddenly a vivid flashback of washing dishes at his boyhood home. He dropped one of his mother’s favorite drinking glasses and it shattered helplessly on the floor. The whole sequence seemed to happen in slow motion. He tried to grab the glass but he was just too slow. The shattering noise of the glass echoed and slowly morphed in to his mother screaming, “What are you doing? Pay attention!”, the scowl on her face shook his mind. Waide loved his mother very much and making her upset was something he  couldn’t handle. Whenever he disappointed his mother he felt like he would have to do one hundred right things to make up for each wrong, but even that wouldn’t be enough.

Waide stood there with his face starring in the mirror trying to complete his morning routine. His head still pounding he refused to grab anything for the pain out of his medicine cabinet. Maybe he felt he deserved the pain for drinking too much last night. Maybe he deserved the pain because it reminded him that he was alive. He still had time to make things right if he was. He still had time to find the answers. He still had time for things that he didn’t know he needed time for. After finishing the mundane tasks at hand he exited the bathroom. He put on his uniform and prepared to go to work. No matter how much he washed his clothes or what he used they still stunk of that restaurant. Washing five thousand dishes a day, the stench would become a part of the clothing as the dye in the cloth was. He worried that he smelled the same way or worse. The last thing he wanted was that stench following him through life. Always marked always known as a nothing. Head hung low he walked out the door of his apartment. He always told himself that he starred at the floor walking because he was afraid of tripping. He was such a klutz, but really there was more to it. He was ashamed, alone and undeserving. If he just stayed in his own little world then he might be safe except from himself until. Until he saw those eyes. Then he was done for, nothing would be the same after he looked into her eyes.

Waide: Awake

Awake

I awoke to find nothing. It really wasn’t a surprise though most days were like this. I had a slight metallic taste in my mouth and my head was pounding. I couldn’t quite remember what I did yesterday or what to day was but I knew that as soon as I got up all things would be come clear. I opened the drapes and yes, it was daytime probably time for me to start getting ready for work. Blind without my glasses I looked out the window and tried to watch the passers by. I wondered where they might be going this day. I didn’t know them but often I liked to put myself inside another’s life. Mine seemed so boring and dreary. I never thought that I would see any type of excitement. But that was before I met her, that was before I met the person that would change my life forever. But I was just a man, I am Waide. 

Encumbered

“Encumbered”

The skies are clear above 

Sun being warm its arms welcome

crows fly overhead eagle eyes piercing

My holes are showing

The Sun shines through them

Naked and ashamed I look for a cloak

One warm and dark

No shadows around its high noon

My fingers twitch I want to go home

A river of slime needs frossing

Where did all the angels go

I only want to borrow a couple of feathers

Their scent is sweet

Fresh bread enter my mind

It’s just a thought unrolling

The crisp breeze grabs my attention

A scream from the background 

Where passions by aging and curious

Wondering about it gatekeeper

Is it a neglected child

The moon pushes against the sun

He wants his time to shine

The flowers don’t want to wither yet

They still hold life inside

If I stopped caring what would happen

Would the soil sleep

would the rain gal

Who makes the day

Am I the blade or the eagle

“Learning”

Your light shines and warms my soul

My heart opens like a blossom in the spring

Spreading my wings I take flight

My journey long and tiring you are with me

As storm clouds approach you are here

Lightning strikes you heal my wounds

Dancing and running you’ve paid me

Rewards deep in the eyes of another

Smiles fill me frowns I kiss away

Through little fingers I see time slip

Strong hands are made by you through me

Sorrow I cannot hold at bay

You have lessons to teach them

With your hand as my spine I move forward

Every second is a sweet drop of rain

Every tear is a stone in the path to freedom

My love for you is the rolling wind

Not held back flowing around each obstacle

Some days sore feet slow my pace

But I know you are still waiting

For my follies I am sorry

A strong will was not wasted on me 

On bended knee I await your hand 

Please don’t give up on me

The Alternative Music Scene Influence: It's Not Too Late

Listen to "It's Not Too Late"

I have always loved music, all of it, really. I know that there are many people out there that say they like everything and when you start to ask they really only like a couple of genres. While I have always liked a variety of music I really got into wanting to play music when "Alternative Rock Music"became big in the 90's. Wether it was Nirvana's pounding drums, the Screaming Trees vocals, the murky bass lines of Alice in Chains or the Guitars of Soundgarden I loved it all. Decoding the lyrics of rage, love or something in between all seemed to be linked to how I was feeling at the time.

"Its Not Too Late" has a lot of the sounds that I came to love in alternative music. Its a love song sorta basically saying "Hey, I know I am a real jerk sometimes and I know you know it and I don't want to be anymore so will you please hang in there while I try to be a better person". Yeah cause what girl can't wait to hang around while her troubled artistic partner tries to figure things out.

Sometimes you just have to walk away and let go to save yourself, but if there is enough there that you can hold on to because the situation isn't too band then hey its worth it. I have met my fair share of interesting ladies that I have tried to hang in there for. Luckily in the end I figured out the hard stuff and have found someone that is willing to deal with my baggage and I theirs.

So this is a glass half full type of song. You can always be negative, its an easy way to go but also a bummer. I am a Christian and I am taught to forgive and forget. To move forward and to love. That doesn't give anyone license to treat anyone terribly but compassion is key as long as it is not taken advantage of. For we are all too precious a gift in life to be taken advantage of.

Romans 12:9

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The Mazzy Star Influence: This Hurts Too Much

Listen To The Song


I went through a phase where I was a major Mazzy Star fan and every once in a while that influence comes back. I hear it on the song "This Hurts Too Much" in particular.

Writing this song I was going through a bad spell. Whenever I get into fight with someone that I love very much I feel like I have been socked in the stomach really hard. Being a Christian I am told to love God with all my heart and all my soul and to love everyone I meet like I myself. It seems so weird that I could have so much in common with another person. We are just cursing along great then, BOOM, and an argument explodes. This song basically talks about dealing with those difficult feelings. Trying to get to the other side of the argument and heal hurt feelings and get the relationship back on track.

In a world that tells everyone that they can have anything they want their way it can be very hard to compromise over hard times. I am guilty of digging in way too much over something that I am passionate about. Thats why I like my religion because it makes me think about everyone else and encourages humility to make the world a better place. It encourages me to love others and help others even if I don't know them. So especially in close relationships I try to walk outside of my position and try to see things from another's perspective.

I will never sellout my faith. I will never sellout those principles or morals but I find that if I follow direction on how my religion teaches to love I usually come out these difficult times safe and sound and solid.

Some One Trying To Smash My Face In

Someone trying to smash my face in, that's what it seems like sometime. I feel like I have to be on guard at all times. I never know when I will be challenged. Sometimes it is serious sometimes it is not. The tricky thing is that at the times when it seems like something may be a small matter it is actually important. I used to feel that I could go through my days with ease, but I was very naive about how the world works. I would sell off this or that idea or sacrifice something that I believed in for peace's sake not knowing what I was actually surrendering. The fact that I had very little self worth didn't help either. Now though I work very hard to stand up for what I believe in. Am I perfect? No, I still fall on my face just about every week in some manner. I guess that the problem with not being perfect. Now I study and work very hard to decide what I believe is true and right and what I will stand up for. I still have questions but I no longer let them go unanswered.  What good does it to say that I believe in God and follow the teachings of Jesus if I don't admit when I am wrong. What good does it do me to walk and act as if I have no morals. My words are empty and I am a liar. The further I go the more peace I find and with I incur new trials and tribulations I find that they become easier to understand and it becomes easier to make good decisions, but I am still flawed and human. So I get on my knees ask for forgiveness and try to be better than I was yesterday and stand for what is right at all times. Otherwise I risk walking in the desert with no map, not aware of my surroundings, and letting my enemies encircle me as easy prey. For if I pay attention to what I am doing and where I am going then I stay away from trouble and am armed well when it comes time to stand up. I thank you God for having patience with me. Please continue to invest in me for I love you and your son's teachings and wish to become better.

Luke 19: 41 - 44
41	And when he drew near and saw the city he wept over it,
42	saying, "Would that even today you knew the things that make for peace! But now they are hid from your eyes.
43	For the days shall come upon you, when your enemies will cast up a bank about you and surround you, and hem you in on every side,
44	and dash you to the ground, you and your children within you, and they will not leave one stone upon another in you; because you did not know the time of your visitation."

Smack Me In The Face, I Need To Wake Up

Today is so amazing in this country. I can type something here and have it seen almost around the world in less than a day. I can be in the middle of the country surrounded by corn and soybeans and talk to someone on a cell phone across the country. Yet I see people who have a hard time talking to each other face to face or phone to phone or email to email because of fear, doubt, regret, or some other human frailty. 

If I am hungry I can walk down stairs and have a variety of choices. It wasn't that long ago that on the road if I was hungry I could stop at a gas station and get at most a bag of chips or a candy bar. Now I can get a turkey sandwich and a salad, maybe even hot food to eat on the go. Yet we still have people starving around the world. Children dying of hunger because they don't have anything to eat or anyone to give them something to eat. 

The convinces of this world are so many for what some would say a few but none the less we have much to take advantage of and much is taken for granted. I have made it a ritual for me to stop and humble myself. I realize that I am no one special yet I have so much, so many blessings. I am very thankful. I am actively working harder and harder each day to share my knowledge, time, sweat and tears with others to try and make the world a better place. 

I believe in Jesus Christ as the son God. I follow his teachings to the best of my ability for I believe that they have merit. I love God with all my heart and all my soul and love my neighbor the same with all my heart and all my being. I try to do all I can for others because I know that God has done so much for me. 

I try to no longer take for granted all I have and all I am and wake everyday thankful for my blessings and try not to waste them. I encourage you to do the same not for my sake but for yours. For if we all band together and try and make the world a better place and not rely on corrupt governments to fill the void with "programs" to do so the work and results will have so much more meaning and bear much better fruit.

Luke 17: 11 - 19
11	On the way to Jerusalem he was passing along between Sama'ria and Galilee.
12	And as he entered a village, he was met by ten lepers, who stood at a distance
13	and lifted up their voices and said, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us."
14	When he saw them he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went they were cleansed.
15	Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice;
16	and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving him thanks. Now he was a Samaritan.
17	Then said Jesus, "Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine?
18	Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"
19	And he said to him, "Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well."

 

Are You Lost?

For as long as I can remember I always felt like I didn't belong. That I was less than others around me. I was short underweight as a child growing up. I had a hard time in school focusing on lessons so I got bad grades and therefore felt I was stupid, but I always had my faith. As I got older I saw the lessons I learned in church betrayed by those who taught them. I didn't realize that they were people making mistakes. I didn't focus on the messages I focused on the teacher. Therefore I didn't feel like I was welcome or that I belonged in church either. I tried to stay religious and prayed but without attending church I had no backbone no structure to base my faith on and grow. Therefore as I got older I strayed more and more from the path because I was trying to do it on my own. Needless to say I got in a pretty bad place. Almost to the point that I could never return. I was a lost sheep that strayed from the group and the luckily I had a shepard that went looking for me and brought me home.

I found my way back, found a church that welcomed me. I studied and started focusing on the right things. I began to realize that while I may not be a superhero or a rock star I did have value and I did have a place at the table that I deserved. You should never feel like you do not have a place with God. He loves you, he is waiting for you to return or even show up for the first time. No matter what yo have done or are doing now you are welcome. Church and religion is not just for the righteous and proper. God is here for everyone. Jesus came not to help those that were already following Gods law and showing God's love. Jesus came to help and welcome the sinners. He loves everyone equally, so don't feel as though you don't belong or that you are not worthy. The Church is all about love. I have heard so many stories about people who don't want to go to Church because "religious people" have judged them in the past and that they are two faced. That could be but, more likely, they are people that have made mistakes.

Being a christian doesn't make you automatically perfect. It just means you have chosen a way to live your life. You will make mistakes. I do everyday, but when I do I get down on my knees and ask for forgiveness. Just like when one of my children acts out of line. I get upset sure, but as soon as they apologize all is forgiven. I love them and my children will always be welcome in my home no matter what they do or what help they may need. God is the same, he loves you and is waiting for you to come home.

Luke 15: 1 - 10
1	Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.
2	And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."
3	So he told them this parable:
4	"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it?
5	And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
6	And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, `Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost.'
7	Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.
8	"Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it?
9	And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, `Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost.'
10	Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Are You On the In or Out?

Its really important to make decisions, okay I know that some of you are giggling and laughing right now. Like, duh, yeah we have to make decisions. The thing is I see so many adults going through life not making decisions, or should I say rather they make half decisions. There seems to be a culture now where people don't want to be wrong and if they are wrong they will defend their position to the hilt even if they know they are wrong.

We are human, and have free will and you know what its okay to make mistakes. Having to say that you were wrong or apologize is not a flaw. Its the proper thing to do. I try so hard anymore that when one of my children make a mistake I do not yell or admonish them. I talk about what they did the decisions that they made and why that was wrong, but you do have to make decisions in life.

Making what I call half decisions in life can be very toxic. A half decision is where you may make a decision but you only half way commit to that decision. That way I guess if it is a bad choice you think you can say, "Oh well I really didn't think that was the thing to do but I was just going along".

If you are going to do something then do it. That's what I tell my self every day. Some may use more colorful language but the statement is true. If you are going to do something then do it. When it comes to being a Christian it can be very hard. You really have to love, I mean really be able to love. If love is not you default position it doesn't mean that you can't be a Christian. It just means that you have to work at it a little harder at it than others maybe. But if you are going to follow Christ then follow him. He doesn't like luke-warm followers.

Love God with all your heart and all your soul not love God when its okay or you think that there is someone in the room that might make fun of you for it or if its inconvenient. Yes you will make mistakes, I make them everyday, and everyday I ask God to forgive me and be patient with me as I try to get better at this Christian thing. The beauty of it is that I don't have to do this. It is a choice. I have been given free will, and I choose to love God and follow Jesus's teachings, but you must be prepared.

If you choose to follow Christ then you will get some opposition. Some people will not understand you choice especially if this is something new or you renew this decision. Family's have had hard times when one of theirs decides to follow Christ and the family is anti-religion. You must always love that is what Christ wants. But when push comes to shove you have to be able to stand your ground. So you have to be willing to "hate" your parents who admonish you and talk bad about Christ and you faith and you decision to follow his teachings. Jesus was killed for what he taught. It amazes me to this day that he was but that was his job. To have his body nailed to a cross and hung up, stabbed, crowned of thorns digging in to his head, people spitting and yelling at him till he died. So if you choose to follow him then you need be prepared for such a reaction as well. You need to be prepared to take up your cross if you are going to follow him. You need to make a decision fully and whole heartedly.

Luke 14: 25 - 33
25	Now great multitudes accompanied him; and he turned and said to them,
26	"If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
27	Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple.
28	For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
29	Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him,
30	saying, `This man began to build, and was not able to finish.'
31	Or what king, going to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and take counsel whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?
32	And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends an embassy and asks terms of peace.
33	So therefore, whoever of you does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

Knowing You Have a Home

Unfortunately there have been a couple of times in my life when I felt I had no place to go. For those that do not know me or my story. I have had a wonderful life. I started out on a great path and great teachers but because of my youth, lack of knowledge and bull-headedness I used my free will to walk off the path and basically become a big dumb stupid jerk for a few years. I have since found my way back and a happiness that I have not know for quite some time and I am rather thankful.

During those years I was off the path I found myself in situations where I felt I had no place to go. I felt that I had no home and that was the beginning of the end for those years lost in "stupidity" as I call it. It was a feeling of hopelessness and emptiness. I never want to feel that feeling again. Being a christian I always feel that I have a home. I take my religion with me wherever I go. If I am lost, have a question or just need someone to talk to I pray. I find my way, my questions get answered though maybe not in the ways that I want and I feel consoled. For those that are new to the faith or haven't entered yet I understand the doubt in my statement. Even myself who was raised in the church and had a strong faith and when to church regularly for years doubted a life with prayer when I felt I had no place to go. My mother even told me to my face that I should pray. I can laugh at myself now for the sour look that I am sure was on my face and doubt that praying would do anything good. I can laugh at myself for I should have known better, but yes prayer does work. You might not like the answers you get but it does work. You have to remember that God is not a Genie. He doesn't just grant wishes. Can he do miracles, yes and I have seen some for sure, but just like I don't give my children candy whenever they ask for it for their own health, sometimes God as our father has to say no sometimes too. I realize that no matter how hard I try I will have a very miro look on life. And with God's view of the macro and his wisdom, sometimes it is best for me not to just get what I want.

None the less I have a home, a place to go in time of need. Sometimes the harder part is finding a church that feels comfortable. That was difficult for me. I finally found a church that feels like home, and I welcome anyone that wishes to join me and my family if they are looking for a place to go. If you already have a church you call home that is awesome! I am so happy for you but don't forget to share. I know that it can be very awkward inviting someone to church. Many believe that you should never talk about religion or politics which is sad because maybe if more lay people talked of such things the world is a better place. If you have a church you call home you should not be afraid to invite others to come with you. For you never know if some of the people you see everyday are lost and alone. If they have that empty place inside that has just the right shape that God can fit into. I have been taught by Jesus that I am to love God with all my might and all my soul and that I should love everyone that I meet as I wish that they would love me.

If you are someone lost and alone you should really try church. Feel free to ask people you know if they go to church and where. Its a lot easier to go somewhere new if you already know some of the people there. However don't be afraid of just blindly walking into a church and attending a service. It can be a rather awesome experience. I have done it myself a time or two and had a pretty good time. Over all Christians who follow their teachings are good people. You might get an odd look but that is usually due to the fact that we are always used to seeing the same people week in and week out. Its not meant to make you feel uncomfortable.

Christians are to live to love and accept and to not judge. If you do find judgement then I am sorry. Please keep in mind that as humans God gave us free will and sometimes we make mistakes. Yes, Christians make mistakes. Christians are not perfect but we are trying to be better than we were yesterday with God's help and Jesus's teachings.

So maybe it is time for you to try something new, but please know that you are never ever alone.

John 6: 37 - 40
37	All that the Father gives me will come to me; and him who comes to me I will not cast out.
38	For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me;
39	and this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up at the last day.
40	For this is the will of my Father, that every one who sees the Son and believes in him should have eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day."

What's Love Got To Do With It?

John Lennon penned ,"All you need is love". I believe that to be true but I also think that it is more important to give love. I can't count how many times I have diffused a possible hostile situation by staying cool and keeping a warm smile on my face and spoke warm words. So maybe all you need is love but like my mother so aptly taught me it is also better to give than receive and so there for if I want love then I need to put as much of it out there in the world. I find as I grow older more and more of the teachings I learned as a child come from a teacher that taught nearly 2000 years ago. During my years walking off the path and trying to find my own way on my own because I was a "grown up" and thought that I knew it all and could find out on my own what I didn't I seemed to keep coming back to the same place.

For me when I look at the world and see how well it works together. We breathe carbon dioxide which the plant breathe in and release oxygen. How bees and flowers work together to eat survive and decorate the earth, how squirrels and trees have a symbiance together I cant help think that a lot of good planning went into this earth. I work in a factory where we take soybeans and make hundreds of products out of them. Looking at the machinery that it takes and the infrastructure that it takes to distribute those products confirms to me that with no other species doing such a thing on this planet that we are truly chosen to be the planets caretaker and should respect our standing in this biosphere.

Most importantly we should take care of each other. We should help the less fortunate, because as I learned from my mother I will never know when I will be the person down and out and need help. Some call that making good karma. I dunno, for me it is called being a good Christian. As I got older and got back on the path that Christianity has paved I dove into the gospels. I read about how Jesus came. Listened and taught, healed and fed. Most of all I remember over and over again his major there, mercy. While we had been given the 10 Commandments he boiled it down even further. Love God with all your might and all your soul, and love each other as you wished to be loved.

I am not a rich man. I have a growing family and though while hard I find the happiness and joy in teaching my children to love, and spread love. To help those in need for if we do that over and over again it will catch on. It will get "paid forward", and the world can become a better place. So I guess I leave challenging you as I challenge myself every day. To love, listen, not judge but teach and share. Will I be a millionaire? No, but I would rather do my part to make the world a better place. It's like giving a gift everyday waiting to see the look on the receivers face of joy.

Luke 14: 12 - 14
12	He said also to the man who had invited him, "When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your kinsmen or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and you be repaid.
13	But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind,
14	and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just."

Being Ready

I am not always ready. It took me a bit of time to figure out growing up that being ready and on time was important. Or rather, learning the importance of those values took some time. Now that I know being ready and on time is important it is still a challenge with my lovely 4 month old, 4 soon-to-be 5 yr old and the learning-the-importance-of-looking-good-and-smelling-good 11yr old.

However something somewhat new to me is the fact of being ready for the unknown. Being ready for tragedy small or large and then ready on how to deal with it. I pray everyday and ask for safety and security and to have the wisdom to make wise and righteous choices. I thank for what I have and even for the blessings that I have and are unaware of.

Prayers are always answered, I know that there may be some out there that disagree. Some may ask for things in prayer and not receive what they want. That doesn't mean that their prayer hasn't been answered. Yes is an answer and No is an answer. I find that I have to be prepared for both outcomes in my praying life. There have been times in my life when I have gotten down on my knees and begged for things and have not had them given to me. In times like these when I am left wandering in my wondering I reflect on my children. Since I am a child of god I think of how I treat my own children. That in of itself can be a very good learning experience on how to be a good parent. But more over, do I respond like my 4yr old when he asks for endless hours of video games? Do I throw myself on the floor wailing like the end of the world has come. Or do I act patient ready to learn what is in store. What is there to be had in the absence of what I wanted. Some say when one door closes another opens. That is so true.

So anymore when something unpleasant happens or I fear something unpleasant happens I do not pray for it so much to go away but I pray for guidance through it and keep my eyes open to see what new thing I may meet or see or learn. For while my life may seem rather large at times I must remember that being part of a world called earth it is actually small, and that it is important to see the macro view of the world rather than focusing on the micro world that is me and my experiences. Its sort of like a jigsaw puzzle that God is making. My small piece may have odd ugly edges which by itself does not look beautiful at all but by accepting what God sets before and acting in a proper way my small piece of a life can be placed into a puzzle that makes a beautiful scene that God is creating.

John 11: 17 - 27
17	Now when Jesus came, he found that Laz'arus had already been in the tomb four days.
18	Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off,
19	and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother.
20	When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary sat in the house.
21	Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.
22	And even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you."
23	Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
24	Martha said to him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
25	Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,
26	and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?"
27	She said to him, "Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, he who is coming into the world."

Being Mindful of My Surroundings

I can usually tell when it is a good day. I can interpret my children's actions and tell if something is wrong. I love them very much if they are cranky I can tell if it is because they are lacking sleep or are hungry or thirsty or haven't had enough time to just run around be a kid and burn off some energy. I work in a factory and I can tell sometimes with the slightest change in some of the instruments if something is wrong and I need to prememptively change something before things get really bad.

Its funny though that I don't always apply the same observations of my life. It can be hard and the comment, "too close to the situation" comes to mind.

I try very hard any more to examine my life on a daily basis. If I start to feel down, tired, out of sorts I address the symptoms but also look for a larger problem. I find that most of the time the reason I may be "off" is because I am not tending to my daily needs. A solution for many of my ills is prayer.

I know that for many this may seem odd, especially if you do not have a faith or do but do not practice prayer on a regular basis. Trust me, I know, I used to never pray except when things were really bad. Then it was, "Oh God please get me out of this and I promise _____". I never saw the folly in this for some reason. After all I was taught as a Protestant that if I needed something that I should turn to my God in prayer. However now that I am a father myself I can see the problem with that. It's like when 7pm Sunday night right before he is to go to bed my wonderful stepson comes to me and says, "Michael, help I have a 9 week project due tomorrow and I need to get started". I don't mind helping my children when they are in need but what kind of father would I be if I just did their bidding and didn't teach them the meaning of looking ahead and preparing for the things to come in life.

I think that is what God wants me to do. He sent his son and taught so much. To love not judge, to accept and teach to spread the happiness therein. Though I hear so many people grumble when I talk to them about my faith. "Uhg, all those rules I don't want anyone telling me what to do", okay but I find when I break those rules which I can because God has given my free will and I can choose what I want then those are the times when I get into trouble. Like sex, its great but God has told me that I should practice that only with my wife and with care. You can have sex whenever you want. You have free will, but I found that in my past when I was making my own path in the wilderness that I ran into trouble. Sex would propel a relationship faster than it was intended and when oops it didn't work out major feelings were hurt. Embarrassing moments going to the hospital in fear of being sick or the thought of my world turning upside down because an unexpected life may appear in the form of a child. When you bring a life into the world all things change. You are responsible for the creation and the development and happiness of the child. All of which could have been avoided if I would have followed the rule to wait to have sex until I was ready and prepared for such responsibilities.

So when I get off course and I am unhappy I go to prayer and ask for insight. When I am happy I pray and give thanks for what I have and try to stay in check to preserve it. So being mindful of what I am doing is very important for it is the map to where I am going and how I will be along the way and with the guidance of God and the teachings of his son Jesus I find the tough times easier and the good times more prolonged.

Luke 12: 54 - 59
54	He also said to the multitudes, "When you see a cloud rising in the west, you say at once, `A shower is coming'; and so it happens.
55	And when you see the south wind blowing, you say, `There will be scorching heat'; and it happens.
56	You hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of earth and sky; but why do you not know how to interpret the present time?
57	"And why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?
58	As you go with your accuser before the magistrate, make an effort to settle with him on the way, lest he drag you to the judge, and the judge hand you over to the officer, and the officer put you in prison.
59	I tell you, you will never get out till you have paid the very last copper."