What Do You Want / What Do You Give?

I am a man, no one important and easily replaceable in my job, but there are times that I hold dear. I realize that my life is not mine. I have a family with wife and children. It would be easy to follow my ego and do as I choose. I could come home from work and hide, tending to my hobbies or watching T.V. Just last night I was so tempting to disappear. I have been working on building a guitar by hand. I am not a woodworker so this task has been hard with long study. I getting close to completion and all I want to do is work hard and finish it. However my wife wants to loose weight and get back into shape since she has recently had a child, so I pause and as a family we go on a walk for exercise. God knows I could use it with my great desire for my wife's good cooking. When we got back I wanted to work some more but I saw the Peach tree in our back yard had come ripe with all its fruit. It would have been easy to let it go but I knew my wife would be busy with our baby, so I picked the fruit. I was glad, the tree was overfull of peaches and seeing how ripe they were wondered if they would have lasted much longer. I give and give and when I think I can do no more for my family I find I can cause I love them so. I am not perfect but I love them with all my might. God is the same, but he is perfect. God in respect to what he provides asks very little. He loves you and so he wishes for your love in return. Giving you life and a world full of everything you could ever need he just wants you to love. Out of the 7 days each week he asks that you only come to worship and commune with him on 1. For all the bounty that he helps provide he asks that you only give back 10%. Why, so that you can help those less fortunate, he wants you to share, not out of obligation, but out of love. For many this is too much. For some the thought of loving everyone they meet is foreign. We live in a world that calls everyone to serve themselves. God does not want your money so that he can have big fancy church. God wants a home, a place of escape for his followers to meet, regroup, learn and commune as the next week begins. He doesn't want you to give your money with empty purpose, rather he wants to use that to care for the poor and less fortunate. It is easy to take for granted with what God provides because we are surrounded by it always, but he loves and cares nonetheless. God provides you with free will, and while you can turn your back on him at any moment he is waiting always for your arrival. Many do walk away. Many cannot see the love that he offers. Many cannot believe that someone so grand exists even though they are surrounded by his creations every waking moment. The choice is ours. Shall we love with all our might and bound with the aid of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, or shall we love ourselves and spend a lifetime trying to fill a hole in our heart that God-sized and one that that only God can fill. For like a perfect father his love is only prevented by our decision to walk away from him.

Leviticus 23:1, 4-11, 15-16, 27, 34-37
1The LORD said to Moses, 4"These are the appointed feasts of the LORD, the holy convocations, which you shall proclaim at the time appointed for them. 5In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month in the evening, is the LORD's passover. 6And on the fifteenth day of the same month is the feast of unleavened bread to the LORD; seven days you shall eat unleavened bread. 7On the first day you shall have a holy convocation; you shall do no laborious work. 8But you shall present an offering by fire to the LORD seven days; on the seventh day is a holy convocation; you shall do no laborious work." 9And the LORD said to Moses, 10"Say to the people of Israel, When you come into the land which I give you and reap its harvest, you shall bring the sheaf of the first fruits of your harvest to the priest; 11and he shall wave the sheaf before the LORD, that you may find acceptance; on the morrow after the sabbath the priest shall wave it. 15"And you shall count from the morrow after the sabbath, from the day that you brought the sheaf of the wave offering; seven full weeks shall they be, 16counting fifty days to the morrow after the seventh sabbath; then you shall present a cereal offering of new grain to the LORD. 27"On the tenth day of this seventh month is the day of atonement; it shall be for you a time of holy convocation, and you shall afflict yourselves and present an offering by fire to the LORD. 34"Say to the people of Israel, On the fifteenth day of this seventh month and for seven days is the feast of booths to the LORD. 35On the first day shall be a holy convocation; you shall do no laborious work. 36Seven days you shall present offerings by fire to the LORD; on the eighth day you shall hold a holy convocation and present an offering by fire to the LORD; it is a solemn assembly; you shall do no laborious work. 37"These are the appointed feasts of the LORD, which you shall proclaim as times of holy convocation, for presenting to the LORD offerings by fire, burnt offerings and cereal offerings, sacrifices and drink offerings, each on its proper day;

Psalms 81:3-6, 10-11
2Raise a song, sound the timbrel, the sweet lyre with the harp. 3Blow the trumpet at the new moon, at the full moon, on our feast day. 4For it is a statute for Israel, an ordinance of the God of Jacob. 5He made it a decree in Joseph, when he went out over the land of Egypt. I hear a voice I had not known: 9There shall be no strange god among you; you shall not bow down to a foreign god. 10I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

Matthew 13:54-58
54and coming to his own country he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, "Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? 55Is not this the carpenter's son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? 56And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all this?" 57And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house." 58And he did not do many mighty works there, because of their unbelief.

A Thought: Chained Up In Rules?

Some when they think of chaos the get excited. The hustle no bustle of trying to get things back in order for some seems like a puzzle, a challenge, something fun. Me as I grow older dislike chaos. I like peace, for after a long hard day of sweating and being sore I enjoy peace, quiet and cleanliness. I go home to my home where my wife runs a daycare. Children do not appreciate the quality of order. They think 5 seconds in front of their face. Because they were made the center of their universe when they were babies they are traveling through the long journey to relinquish their self centeredness. When I was a new father I quickly developed house rules, not to be mean but to instill order and peace. God is much the same way. God gave Moses the 10 Commandments not to rule his people with an iron fist but rather to cultivate peace on the earth that he created. God wants us to love, and to love we must have respect for one another. God didn't give us 5,000 rules but a mere 10. When we respect each other do not lie steal from one another we can love. When we refuse to look at what another has and be envious we can love. When we can respect someone else's wife or husband and not try to lure them away from their mate we keep love intact. When we rest on the 7th day we can regain peace and center through going to church. We can learn and recharge and find community with our fellow Christians. We have a place where we belong and have refuge from this world that constantly tells us to just have it our way and feed our egos, but we have to want that peace. We have to be will to accept the idea that we are not the center of our universe. We have to be willing to love everyone we meet like we love ourselves. We have to accept the fact hat everything in this world was made to help teach us to love so that after this temporary life we might move on to heaven where peace and happiness fill eternity. We have to accept that even as messed up as this world is made by man and woman it works extremely well because it was designed by God, but that's the tricky part. Can we accept that? Can we believe that? Are we soil that God can plant his word in. Will his ways take root and spring up and bare much fruit for us, others and God, or will we refuse or turn away quickly and remain a barren plot of dirt where weeds and thorns that choke life reside?

Exodus 20:1-17
1And God spoke all these words, saying, 2"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3"You shall have no other gods before me. 4"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 5you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, 6but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. 7"You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain. 8"Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; 10but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; 11for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day and hallowed it. 12"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you. 13"You shall not kill. 14"You shall not commit adultery. 15"You shall not steal. 16"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 17"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor's."

Psalms 19:8-11
7The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; 8the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; 9the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever; the ordinances of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. 10More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

Matthew 13:18-23
18"Hear then the parable of the sower. 19When any one hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what is sown in his heart; this is what was sown along the path. 20As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; 21yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. 22As for what was sown among thorns, this is he who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the delight in riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. 23As for what was sown on good soil, this is he who hears the word and understands it; he indeed bears fruit, and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty."

Nirvana, Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

When I was young I was all about Pop music. To be honest it was all I knew. Then one night coming home I stumbled across a radio station playing a music that so connected with me. It was raw, brash and it felt like some one plugged my emotions into a guitar amp. The band was Nirvana. I followed them without MTV and I was shocked when I heard them unplugged. As the tape rolled through my deck I was shocked how many covers they played. I was vaguely familiar with the artist Ledbelly, but I got goosebumps with their cover of, "Where Did You Sleep Last Night". It was raw beautiful and haunting. So while working on new material I have been dressing with cover songs. I am no Ledbelly or Cobain. I am just me and this is a take on one of my favorite songs.

Am I Deaf With Both Fingers in Your Ears?

Am I Deaf With Both Fingers in Your Ears?

My wife and I have had baby recently and it was rather taxing. Nothing terrible happened, and for the most part our new child is healthy. However my wife and I choose not to rest. We want to be healthy so that we can be on this earth for a long time to guide and teach our children. Consequently we have been going on walks in the evening. There is is empty lot that we pass in town and looks much like a park for nature. The grass is mowed and there are trees and bushes there. We have noticed that there are a couple of inhabitants there, two young rabbits. I told my two oldest sons, "if you can catch that rabbit I will let you keep it for a pet." They didn't understand what I was trying to do. I didn't think that they could ever catch that rabbit but I thought that they would get plenty of exercise and fun trying to catch it far from the allure of a video screen. God is similar, a journey that would take about 2 weeks took the Israelites 40 years for they had much to learn on their journey. So often has God spoke to us in times past but we just don't seem to get it. We hear his words and they make no sense to us so we discard them as folly. God's word is like that of a Walnut to me. From the outside it is rough and corse, but if you take the time to crack it open and understand it you will find something so sweet and satisfying.  God made this world, and through it speaks to us everyday. For us Christians marriage is the unity of one man and one woman called together by God with the intent to bring life into this world, but the term marriage has been redefined to just mean to people that love each other. Sex is a beautiful gift to bring new life into this world, but it sex is now treated as if it is just a thing to be used as we choose. We use drugs that harm our bodies to prevent pregnancy. Some even take part in acts that cause damage to those we say we love. Others use sex and people like they are just things with no regard for their feelings using them only as pleasure devices. So those that choose to hear God follow him because they take time to understand. We are not perfect, but merely on the road to heaven. God is speaking to us all, but are we listening like a friend or ignoring him because he isn't saying anything we want to hear? 

Exodus 19:1-2, 9-11, 16-20
1On the third new moon after the people of Israel had gone forth out of the land of Egypt, on that day they came into the wilderness of Sinai. 2And when they set out from Reph'idim and came into the wilderness of Sinai, they encamped in the wilderness; and there Israel encamped before the mountain. 9And the LORD said to Moses, "Lo, I am coming to you in a thick cloud, that the people may hear when I speak with you, and may also believe you for ever." Then Moses told the words of the people to the LORD. 10And the LORD said to Moses, "Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow, and let them wash their garments, 11and be ready by the third day; for on the third day the LORD will come down upon Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. 16On the morning of the third day there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast, so that all the people who were in the camp trembled. 17Then Moses brought the people out of the camp to meet God; and they took their stand at the foot of the mountain. 18And Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke, because the LORD descended upon it in fire; and the smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain quaked greatly. 19And as the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke, and God answered him in thunder. 20And the LORD came down upon Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain; and the LORD called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up.

Daniel 3:52-56
52"Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of our fathers, praiseworthy and exalted above all forever; And blessed is your holy and glorious name, praiseworthy and exalted above all for all ages.53Blessed are you in the temple of your holy glory, praiseworthy and glorious above all forever.54Blessed are you on the throne of your kingdom, praiseworthy and exalted above all forever.55Blessed are you who look into the depths from your throne upon the cherubim, praiseworthy and exalted above all forever.56Blessed are you in the firmament of heaven, praiseworthy and glorious forever.

Matthew 13:10-17
10Then the disciples came and said to him, "Why do you speak to them in parables?" 11And he answered them, "To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. 12For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 13This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. 14With them indeed is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah which says: `You shall indeed hear but never understand, and you shall indeed see but never perceive. 15For this people's heart has grown dull, and their ears are heavy of hearing, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should perceive with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and turn for me to heal them.' 16But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. 17Truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

What, What, What Do I Do?

So what am I supposed to do? It is a fair question, one that can pop up at an odd moment. Life is not short of curveballs. Why are they there, to guide, love, or test? I am not sure, but I know what I am supposed to do, love. I know that this is the point where many will roll there eyes and think something like, "oh here goes the hippie rock n roll Jesus freak again with his love thing", but love (the way God wants) serves me well. Right now I am stressed. Without going into detail my life has been rather turbulent lately. I feel a bit like I am being attacked on all borders. I could get mad and try and exact revenge but that is not love. It will not make things better. I am far from a good man. I am not a role model, but I love God and he helps me, love. Love keeps my spirit calm and helps me and my family weather the storm. For hundreds of years the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt. God does not need his followers to be rich without need. I don't expect to become a millionaire because of my faith, but after hearing the pleas of his people God in his love saved them. He found just the right person at the right time to succeed in saving the Israelites, Moses. Make no mistake God loves you, but that doesn't mean that he is going to just give you whatever you want. I have had several friends and much family but none of them just hang out with me and give me whatever I want. This life is temporary. Yes bad things happen here but this life is a set of training wheels. Here we get to learn to love Gods way, if we choose. The eternal life hereafter is the real show. Will God keep a tornado from knocking down your house maybe no, but if you are a member of his Church with which you have a good relationship with you will find a support team ready to help you in your times of need. God loves with all his might. He is waiting for you to decide so that hopefully you choose him so when this life is over he can scoop you up and hug you and take you home to heaven. God even sent his only son Jesus to us to teach us how to love. It's actually quite simple, however far too often our egos get in the way and instead of loving we want to know how to get even. Jesus wasn't born into a rich family. He worked hard building with stone by hand, yeah no power tools. When Jesus began his ministry he wasn't carried place to place like the son of a king, he walked. Jesus didn't collect massive amounts of money and wear expensive clothes, he dressed plainly and loved all he met. He shared who he was but never sought fame. When he was mocked, spit on, beat and hung on a cross till death he was not revenged by his father. In fact Jesus asked God to forgive us for we know not what we do. God loves and sent his son to teach us how. God sends his Holy Spirit to strengthen us in time of pain and temptation. God loves and Jesus is our example to follow. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and his Church are all their waiting for us everyday full of love waiting to accept you to love you. So what are you supposed to do? Love, but what do you want to do and what will you choose?


Exodus 12:37-42
37And the people of Israel journeyed from Ram'eses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children. 38A mixed multitude also went up with them, and very many cattle, both flocks and herds. 39And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they had brought out of Egypt, for it was not leavened, because they were thrust out of Egypt and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any provisions. 40The time that the people of Israel dwelt in Egypt was four hundred and thirty years. 41And at the end of four hundred and thirty years, on that very day, all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt. 42It was a night of watching by the LORD, to bring them out of the land of Egypt; so this same night is a night of watching kept to the LORD by all the people of Israel throughout their generations.

Psalms 136:1, 23-24, 10-15
1O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures for ever. 10to him who smote the first-born of Egypt, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 11and brought Israel out from among them, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 12with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 13to him who divided the Red Sea in sunder, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 14and made Israel pass through the midst of it, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 15but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 23It is he who remembered us in our low estate, for his steadfast love endures for ever; 24and rescued us from our foes, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

Matthew 12:14-21
14But the Pharisees went out and took counsel against him, how to destroy him. 15Jesus, aware of this, withdrew from there. And many followed him, and he healed them all, 16and ordered them not to make him known. 17This was to fulfil what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah: 18"Behold, my servant whom I have chosen, my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he shall proclaim justice to the Gentiles. 19He will not wrangle or cry aloud, nor will any one hear his voice in the streets; 20he will not break a bruised reed or quench a smoldering wick, till he brings justice to victory; 21and in his name will the Gentiles hope."

Ketchup or Mustard?

Sometimes what can seem so inconsequential can be very important. That famous fork in the road that we all come across, but so often goes unnoticed because we view it as just another boring decision in life. We live in a world that encourages us to get all we can while we can and have no regard for tomorrow. It seems that so many live life looking only five minutes in front of their faces but each decision we make concerning our lives is important. Now I am not talking about whether to put ketchup or mustard on your hot dog, but do we take the career that becomes the center of our universe or do we pursue the career that allows us to love God and family and give them the time they deserve? Do we save up as much as we can or do we live a life of sacrifice and help our brothers and sisters in need? Do we pursue casual relationships and treat people like things that are for our own personal satisfaction or do we build loving caring relationships God's way and spread love on this earth that helps us all feel that we belong and have a place? God wants us to be happy, to live a life filled with love and giving love to all we meet. Jesus wants to reside in your heart to help guide you through this dark and cold world so you may find you way and help lead other lost souls home to heaven. We have to be willing though. We have to choose. We have to sacrifice. For the decisions we make now will take us on a path either to heaven or to hell. Shall we love or merely worship ourselves?

2 Corinthians 4:6-11, 16, 17

6For it is the God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 7But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, to show that the transcendent power belongs to God and not to us. 8We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11For while we live we are always being given up to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 16So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed every day. 17For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,

Psalms 59:2, 10, 17-18

1Deliver me from my enemies, O my God, protect me from those who rise up against me, 9O my Strength, I will sing praises to thee; for thou, O God, art my fortress. 16But I will sing of thy might; I will sing aloud of thy steadfast love in the morning. For thou hast been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. 17O my Strength, I will sing praises to thee, for thou, O God, art my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.

Matthew 16:24-27

24Then Jesus told his disciples, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26For what will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life? 27For the Son of man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay every man for what he has done.

Through the Overflow

Through the Overflow

Overflow of a lifetime 

Or maybe just this week 

Depends on who is shoveling

Depends if I get weak

No one sees a stop sign

Or a flagman out to check

But it all keeps on flowing

How much more till this ship wrecks

I'm looking for the stars now

It's getting hard to see

I could just follow the wind blow

But the breeze seems so obscene

Is this a testing of my metal?

For I hear the hammers cry

But perhaps it's just my laughing

Cause my tears have done run dry

I thought I'd call the postman

But his route don't run today

Because his messages they keep stacking

Have I written my life away?

So drifting through the fog now

Not content with who I am

The flowing keeps on rolling

And I try to be a man

I'll hold what I can hold up

I'll help out who I can

But one day I'll fall to sinking

Will I drown or will I swim?

A Poem: "The Journey"

“The Journey”

The long slow drag of a thought

Like bare skin over concrete

Gnawing and tearing ant my mind

Creeping through the valleys of my cortex

Searching for the dawn that has not yet rose

Sweet drops of hope fall upon my face

Rolling across my skin and seeping in between my lips

The scent of lavender and freedom rise in to my nose

As my eyes dilate my thoughts roll back many moons

With a cool night breeze sliding between my fingers

I raise my hands to the sky and whisper “thank you”

Back in the desert

Back in the now

the sun blisters my back on the way out

As the sand buries and swallows my feet

I tread on 

I whisper “thank you” 

For I still have time to find the horizon

And you have not given up on me

A Poem: "Desperation"

"Desperation"

Falling from the sky

Holding my breath

Wishing for hope

As no one knows

On the tip of a mountain

On the tip of my toes

Don't know how to fly

So I balance, I groan

The sweat wants to pour

But yet its not time

Holding them back

As I'm biting the wire

I can't turn around

Cause then they'll all see

It's be so much easier

If pity was free

But the toll must be paid

So someone will dance

With a fire to their feet

If they want a last chance

And that last chance I need

Brings me down to my knees

With everyone watching

They silently scream

With that look in their eye

They all want to tear 

A little piece please

For a cold souvenir

And so I keep dancing

Till my feet are on fire

Because love aint enough

Despite my desire

Messing in the Studio: "Let Her Cry" by Hootie and the Blowfish

Sometimes nothing cures a broken heart like a great love song. I remember when I was in college there was this girl that took my breath away. I thought she was the coolest woman I had ever met. We had a sweet but short romance and she crushed my heart pretty good. Messing around in the studio writing and coming up with treatments and ideas I decided to sit down and have a go at this song. Cover songs were never my thing but I always thought that if I ever did a cover song that this is one that I would enjoy trying to play. I am no Darius Rucker. He is him and I am me, but it was fun trying this song out and remembering some of the good and bad times of love.

Coldplay, Clocks and Me

It can be funny what songs jump out me sometimes. I remember in my days living the bohemian lifestyle I didn't have TV and because I was a full-blown Metalhead I knew very little of  Pop music of the time. I was visiting my parents home once and on the TV (they had cable) came this hypnotic music. It was rare that I fancied piano music but this is song was more than that. I was one of millions that was ensnared by the music and poetry of Coldplay. I could never sing as high or as beautiful as him but in the studio writing I started messing around with this song. They are them and I am me.