New Video: "Inside a Life of Misery"

So I just finished a new "NO BUDGET" video. This is or a hard rock song that I did called "Inside a Life of Misery". Its about overcoming things that get in your way and of course I had to do a funny cartoon video for it.

WATCH THE VIDEO

A Poem: The Dancing Knife

“The Dancing Knife”

My hand is open and waiting

To receive and give love and hope

Patient eyes shut the breeze flows

The sun is warm and upon my heart

A knife glimmers dancing far off

Piercing my hand love fades to pain

My trust not gone my heart not broken

A lone tear rolls down my cheek

The tearing pain rises

The blade continues up my arm

The breeze strengthens and howls

My sun continues its arc

Sunset draws closer

Little pieces fall to the ground

All around it is me

Pieces bloody pieces drying 

The blade still shimmers new

The mighty wind so strong it blows

All my pieces scatter far

A pleasant voice is calling

To collect to come home

Hope is in me 

But I have no home

No place to mend

No place to sew

No place to heal

The knife now rusty smiles

Its job is done

But I have just begun

A Thought: Always Being Watched

You never know who is watching. We live in a day where there are video camera and pictures taken everywhere. It was once a luxury to have your picture taken. It was almost as rare as Mercedes in the driveway and now even that is becoming more common place. Being a father I find that I really have to watch what I say and what I do. If I happen to use “colorful” language I can count on it being repeated over and over again and then having to explain why what I said was wrong and why my children and myself shouldn’t talk like that. 

Right now as my 5 year old watches over my shoulder and asks me over and over again if I will be done soon so he can use the computer I have to watch my temper so that he doesn’t learn bad habits, or think that loosing your cool over such small things is acceptable behavior. 

Each day I go through life and try so hard so spread love. I try and analyze each and every word and action I project. Wether it is online or in person in my poetry or music I know that what I do and put into the world is seen by many. As a Christian I have heard so many stories about people who have met “Christians” and have had a bad experience. They meet Christians that are judgmental and look down upon the masses. I understand why this happens. We learn God’s law and in our fervor to uphold his law in acceptance of him and willingness to serve him we cold heartedly shut others out from wanting to be a Christian. I realize that the way I grew up was different than others. I realize that my path is unique like so many other people in this world. I realize that not everyone understands let alone knows the discipline of Christianity like I do. 

When someone feels attacked either physically or with words they usually go into defense mode. Up goes the drawbridge and out come the soldiers of war to defend the castle. War is very ugly and just like defending themselves people will often do whatever they have to to win or defend themselves. The moment those defenses go up and the game is “on” the opportunity to teach is often gone. So when a Christian is trying to share their beliefs and inadvertently scorns they ruin the opportunity to foster and bring more love and love for Christ into the world.  If you have ever been persecuted by a Christian I am sorry. It is not typically what we are taught to do. When I see protest lines where “Christians” are picketing with signs that have derogatory remarks on them it can have a bad effect on the rest of us. 

As Christians it is our job to love and spread love. Do we have rules yes, and I would take the time to ask for the meaning of the rules. Some of us get so caught up in the rules that we don’t know why we believe them, and it is good that we go back and learn so that we understand the why behind the law. Its fairly straight forward and I have found that now that I am a father a lot of the “rules” make so much more sense. The most important thing to remember is that God gives us free will. He didn’t make us to follow him with no choice. If we choose to believe him and take his son Jesus Christ as our lord and savior we can live in his house. If we choose not to that is our decision to make but we are not allowed to live with him in heaven. Some find this judgement harsh but if would you let someone enter your home and do whatever they wanted in your home with no regard to your desires or rules of your home?

So I keep this in mind as I walk through the world. I know that some will see and hear what I do and they will not believe and not want to follow God. I know that some may see and hear and find it interesting but be conflicted over God’s way and the world’s way and possibly decide they would rather follow the worlds way. Some may hear and see but then be surrounded by others that do not believe and they will be persuaded to live a life not on God’s path, and then there are some that will see and hear and they will find happiness in it and decide to follow with all their heart and all their soul. They will find the happiness of God as the most fulfilling thing ever and will have a life that is just as fulfilling. 

That is a rather weighty thing to consider. That everyday I walk out and the way in which I spread “seed” can have an effect on so many. I will yell from the rooftops right now that,

“I AM NOT PERFECT! I AM A SINNER!”

And still each day I move forward. If I make mistakes I am sorry, I ask for forgiveness and try to move forward in a more righteous way. My hope is that I can help at least one person have a better life. I don’t know if I have done that but I now realize that life is not about me. It is to serve my fellow man and woman. To share what I know and to continue to learn so that become stronger, better and more full of love. I encourage you to do the same. It can be life changing but in a good way. You have the opportunity to belong, feel love and grow. It is such an amazing time and journey. If you don’t know where to begin ask. There is so much to live for.

Mark 4: 1 - 20
1	Again he began to teach beside the sea. And a very large crowd gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat in it on the sea; and the whole crowd was beside the sea on the land.
2	And he taught them many things in parables, and in his teaching he said to them:
3	"Listen! A sower went out to sow.
4	And as he sowed, some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured it.
5	Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it had not much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil;
6	and when the sun rose it was scorched, and since it had no root it withered away.
7	Other seed fell among thorns and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no grain.
8	And other seeds fell into good soil and brought forth grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold."
9	And he said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
10	And when he was alone, those who were about him with the twelve asked him concerning the parables.
11	And he said to them, "To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables;
12	so that they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand; lest they should turn again, and be forgiven."

Videos: "Far Too Long" and "Keep On Going"

I really like to make music in my little free time and its even more fun when I get to make videos that go with them. These are a couple of songs that I have done and funny cartoon videos to go with them. They are what I call "No Budget" videos. They are what they are, serious songs with funny videos to help break the mood. Enjoy


Link to watch "Keep On Going"


Link to watch "Far Too Long"

A Thought: Feeling Special

Feeling Special

It really stinks when we think that we are not special, or worse when someone else says that we are not special. I have had moments in my past when I have heard loved ones say things, “behind my back” to the notion that I was not special to them. It stings, really bad. Now being a father I could not imagine the pain that I would feel if I overheard one of my wonderful children say that I was not his or her father or heard my father or mother say that I was not their son. 

We all want to belong and have that special place. I want to have that security that I matter and that I have a place in the world. With God I do, no matter what I do or no matter where I go I know that he will always love me and that I am special to him. Just like sometimes my children make mistakes and I get disappointed I never stop loving them. I just wish that they would make better decisions and I try and show them things in life that will help them to hopefully make better decisions. That’s the way it is with God. I know that he loves me and because I am a sinner I know that I am going to make boneheaded mistakes. God might get disappointed in me but he will always love me. There have been times in my life when I will try and do something that just isn’t right for me. I will try and try and things just don’t work out. Its about that time that I look up, sometimes literally, in prayer ask God and reflect. Sometimes the answers come quick and easy sometimes I have to take my time, but answers do come. 

It can be very hard in a house full of children to make them all feel like they are special and that they all belong. It is a bit of a hard thing to explain, “Oh yes son you are very important and special and I love you like no other but now I am going to bring a new baby into the house that at times may get more attention than you but you are still special”. That’s how I feel with God. He’s my God I love him and very much and I know he loves me very much but I have to reconcile that he is not here to give me whatever I want but he does give me what I need. That can be a tough pill to swallow in a world where we are told we can get whatever we want almost in an instant.  Being told, “No you can’t do that or have that”, doesn’t fly very well in current American culture, but that is how it is sometime with God. There are rules and there are reasons for those. We may not understand but that doesn’t mean that we should ignore them. 

Most importantly though is that I try everyday to make sure that I don’t make anyone feel like they don’t belong or that they are not special. I treat every request either from my boss at work or my smallest child with the upmost importance. Make sure that they know that I respect their request and will fulfill it the best I can. My youngest child may think that my No’s are arbitrary and mean but they are spoke with love and consideration. I feel like there is such a disconnect in the the world today. I really wish that people would get back to dealing with people instead of a bureaucracy or a video screen. I wish people would SEE people. I wish that we would look at each other in the eye, smile and treat each other with respect. I know that this may seem like a hippie dippy way to think but its what I learned from reading and studying the lessons of Jesus. He preached love, to love they neighbor and thy enemy. To love God with all my heart and all my soul and to love my neighbor as I would want to be loved by them. Jesus taught me that I am just as important as his earthly mother Mary and his brothers and sisters that he had on earth in his time here. Its no disrespect to them but we are all children of God and therefore loved the same. 

So I encourage you to walk through the world today and the following day and to try and project love and caring. I don’t mean that you should try and hug everyone you meet. I find that when I am having bad days if I try smiling and show caring and respect to those that I meet my day turns around drastically fast. I could go into the sociological and psychological reasons why but the fact is that when you put love into the world it comes back to you. God love you and you have a special place in his heart no matter if you pray everyday and go to church every Sunday, or if you have never prayed or gone to church. He is just like a good father, he is willing to let you go out into his world and do your own thing your own way, but he is always waiting for you to come home to him (Church) to call him (prayer) and talk to him. For you are special and always have a special place in his heart.

Mark 3: 31 - 35
31	And his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside they sent to him and called him.
32	And a crowd was sitting about him; and they said to him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, asking for you."
33	And he replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?"
34	And looking around on those who sat about him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers!
35	Whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister, and mother."

A Poem: "End of a Pin"

“End of a Pin”

Avalanche of memories fall upon me

Lighting bugs of hope flutter for tomorrow

Where I've been is the wish it was 

Dreaming of a flip though colors run

Swinging high and leaning back

My hair brushes the grass of summer

Mud in my toes is fine I have no where to go

Sun upon my nose a sweaty hand holds mine

The cold shock flows over my body

Your hair gliding through the water says hello

Awake and back my feet still wet

Yearning for the year of ignorance

The blind man smiles walking off the cliff

He’ll think he is flying till he hits the ground

Apprehension stepping back misses the kiss

The pretty girl walks away cold

Eyes a drift she stares at the finish line

Broken leg broken heart she crosses the finish line

The cheers rise and overcome her

Hidden it chokes back is the mouse idea

He favors nibbling on his thoughts

Sweet are the just rewards

Twenty years to dessert in the desert of experience

Through twist and turns of rose petals await the smooth thorns of love

And at the end a prick of blood at the end of a pin

A Thought: Forgiveness

It can be so hard to forgive especially when you get burned bad. I, being human have been on both sides of the burn. Getting burned is bad but when I realize that I have burned someone because of my ego and human frailty then I feel very ashamed. Receiving forgiveness for something I have done wrong is immense. Probably better than any Christmas present I have ever gotten.

So when I get up in the shoes of the one that was burned I try and flip the situation. Shortly into the relationship with the wonderful woman that became my wife, Tannie Smith she approached me with an odd criticism. She told me that it was hard because whenever we got into an argument and she felt the need to apologize I would forgive her on the spot and act like nothing ever happened.

I told her that yeah, you hurt me but you apologized and I didn't think that it was Christian to hold that over her. That it didn't seem right to make her keep paying some kind of guilt or penance for the mistake she had made. I make mistakes everyday and I know I feel like crap when I do. I wouldn't want the guilt hanging over me so I don't hold it over her.

Random strangers cut you off in traffic, give you dirty looks, or say things in earshot that can hurt you. I try and treat them in the same way. I say the Lord's prayer quite a few times through out the day and the line that always gets me is when I say the line, "Forgive us of our sins as we forgive those who sin against us", I pause on that line nearly every time I say it and reflect if that is what I actually do.

Love spins the world and makes it a better place. Part of love is forgiving when you are hurt by others wether you know them or not, so I try very hard to forgive each day and man up and ask forgiveness for the stupid things that I do to myself, God and others. I think that if there was a little more forgiveness in the world then there would be a little more love and that would make so much run so much more smooth.

So thats part of the reason why I am a Catholic and a Christian, because if I ask for forgiveness God stops on a dime and says okay and then acts as if it never even happened. His love for he does not stop and so I try to treat others likewise.


Mark 2: 1 - 12
1 And when he returned to Caper'na-um after some days, it was reported that he was at home.
2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room for them, not even about the door; and he was preaching the word to them.
3 And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men.
4 And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him; and when they had made an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic lay.
5 And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "My son, your sins are forgiven."
6 Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts,
7 "Why does this man speak thus? It is blasphemy! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
8 And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, "Why do you question thus in your hearts?
9 Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, `Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, `Rise, take up your pallet and walk'?
10 But that you may know that the Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" -- he said to the paralytic --
11 "I say to you, rise, take up your pallet and go home."
12 And he rose, and immediately took up the pallet and went out before them all; so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, "We never saw anything like this!"

A Poem: "Around and Upside Down"

“Around and Upside Down”

Disconnected drifting alone in time

Screams surround and whispers dance

No one poises a happy ending

The cold dark black wants a turn

No one fears the nothing

Giggles dance as if its a warm blanket

Making tents to abandon home

Walking on my hands still leaves tracks

The dogs are hungry and on the scent

The clever old man skips down the sidewalk

Hoping no one sees his disguise

Children watch and don’t realize they are the victim

A brand new shinny nugget is on T.V.

Full of promises old as mold

Healthy as a sharp knife in your mouth

No on screams cause they don’t want to burn

Someone suggests its the horses turn to ride

Don’t worry they only want to chop off your fingers 

You can still obey the stop sign with your thumbs

At the end o f the line you get to ride the carousel

Float up and down as the chemicals slip in

No one needs a sunny day

All they do is show your wrinkles

Are you ready for a brand new can

It’s on sale for a dollar ninety nine

The waitress whore sells blindly

Its time for another turn

A Thought: When I am Sick of Being Sick

It really stinks to be sick. I don't mean the cold sick, but really sick. Like completely laid out dead to the world and you just don't care sick. I recently had a bout with the flu like I had not had in quite some time. At first I was like, "Oh this is like usual", I was home off from work and figured I would be better by the time I was to go back. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Just when I thought I was getting better WHAM! I got hit hard again I think I had some coming out of every hole in my body. I had to goto the doctor and take 2 days off work hit the sack and focus on laying low and getting better. I really hated missing work, money and spending fun time with my family. After the medicine took hold and I got back to normal I was almost jumping for joy. It was so nice to be a part of the regular world.

I guess that's what was going through the lepers thoughts after he was healed. Being shoved out of the community being a leper, sick and alone it was a very hard life. And even though he was healed and told not to talk about it he did tell many about how Jesus healed him.

I have been taught many times that I am to do acts of kindness and not brag about them. I am merely to do them to help others in my mission to be a good christian and spread love through the world. I believe that is what Jesus was trying to do here. He had compassion for the leper and healed him out of love but did not want to draw attention of what he could do or how great he was.

I don't really blame the leper though. Could  you blame him? Someone did something so wonderful him and he is to keep it quiet? I don't think that I could have either. Jesus liked to keep things low key. He knew what was going to come to him, it was inevitable, but he wanted to try and help as many as possible in the mean time.

So I walk through life trying to help others when I can. Not for recognition or fame's sake but for the sake of others. Following Jesus means that I am to love God with all my heart and all my soul and to love everyone else I meet and do whatever I can to help them. Am I perfect? No, but I am on a journey that keeps me more fulfilled than I have ever felt before. I will never be as righteous or good as Jesus but with his teachings I can be a better person and make the world a little better than when I found it.


Mark 1: 40 - 45
40 And a leper came to him beseeching him, and kneeling said to him, "If you will, you can make me clean."
41 Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, "I will; be clean."
42 And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.
43 And he sternly charged him, and sent him away at once,
44 and said to him, "See that you say nothing to any one; but go, show yourself to the priest, and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to the people."
45 But he went out and began to talk freely about it, and to spread the news, so that Jesus could no longer openly enter a town, but was out in the country; and people came to him from every quarter.

About the song: "Keep On Going"

Latest NO budget video I made for my song "Keep On Going". I think we have all been in a relationship that was just terrible and weird, or maybe just me. If so have a laugh on me. This is sort of an interesting song with a little comedic cartoon to go along with it.

Listen to the song and watch the video

A Poem: Left of Leaves

“Left of Leaves”

Floating on the breeze up and down 

Green and alive so full of life

The suns rays shining down

It’s warmth protective armor

Days pass like years unwinding with the world passing by

Rainy days provide the knowledge of longevity

Rumors of dancing metal fade away

Too short too long adventures at bay

Connections hold the past to you

Looking back it is too far to see

Held by roots high in the air you see much

A setting sun, a chill in the air, home is calling

Around you new Branches bud

Stretching with time they bring new arrivals

Day of song and scurrying life seems paused

Drying slowly the days seem to shorten

Your aging color begins to show

Young branches still dance in the autumn sun

Slowly you begin to float down

Detached and overwhelmed your time is not over

Drifting in the grass you see past neighbors

As you journey, where, not to know

Looking back is a memory

Looking forward is a sunrise horizon

Transformation begins

A Poem: "What Was Forgotten"

“What Was Forgotten”

Through the brush I look 

Waiting in silence spring is in full bloom

I watch as you dance graceful

Others watch on teeth begin to show

As you move the moonlight dances on your skin

Questions begin to rise and whispers move the air

A gentle breeze grows in strength

The masses want a candlelight dinner

Each position you pose more sneers rise

Beauty of a creature is held to the fire

The hall is empty and all the mirrors are broken

Such a rage held in silence

Such a plan held in secret

The young fawn’s gag is chosen

As the season passes patience waits for maturity

The time they will strike is near

Long forgotten is the way to tell resin

Everyone wants the new shade of black now

The path not tended yet you find your way

Dancing in the moonlight

Hand in hand with experience

In the plans of the desolate

So the blossom falls

A Poem: Shining Stars

"Shining Stars"

So far away yet you shine so bright

Cold is the time as it swirls around me

Bundled tightly holding my warmth

I close my eyes for my still waters

The thought of your warmth comes to me 

Holding back the knives, dirty oil begins to rain

Though lost your reflection is in the pool

Waving with the current you call me home

A bitter taste swells in the back of my mouth

The scent of burnt dreams are in the air

As an old door shuts, creaks and cackles echo down the hall

Still your bright light calls me home

Stranded in the desert drying like a rock

Marooned on the island crashing like the waves

Peace holds like a pillar of marble

Standing strong unmovable beauty

Strength to hold against any onslaught

So are you within me 

My shining light, my hope of home

A pause, a breath and check of direction

And on I move towards you