Friday, May 30, 2014

A Poem: Coming of Age?

“Coming of Age?”

Hold on to trying 
Another thought fades
Inside my own head
Rearranged I see
Confusion up ahead
I’ll try to stare for a while
If nothing ever comes
I’ll hold the line and smile
I couldn’t say I cared
But oh, sometimes I do
Flip it up and turn around 
Is it time for you 
Clearness isn’t clearance
Though sometimes it trys
And when I feel that feeling
The burning grows concern
I never want to grow up
I never want to see
How can it be better 

Oh please help me see

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A Poem: Summer Harvest

"Summer Harvest"
 
 
The hobby horse is broken
Dust is just bout on everything
Dizzy still my eyes are looking
Trying to make sense of the scene
Thought I heard some drops of rain
Turned out the old man is dueling
Flower blossoms on the ranger
His knives are sharp and glowing
Running quickly is the rabbit
H's hanging on for the line
He's running for that finish line
Too bad he's out of time
Soft faces and their dimples
Don't know the cold hard deal
A new crop of daisies in the field
A new herd of pigs want to be fed
The sun has lit the horizon
The breeze slides through our fingers
The view is open now for miles
And everyone can see the line
Everyone can hear the scream
But the cattle just keep eating
They all seem so so ignorant
That the bell rings it's dinner time
But the cattle wont be eating
Their weight has come full to bear
Its time to go to market
The summer harvest is now here

A Thought: The Holy Spirit and Asking for Help

The Holy Spirit is a pretty cool thing but its also a rather hefty thing to wrap your head around. I have read a little bit on the subject and what other people think, and I am just left with an awe and thankfulness for such a wonderful gift. Basically Jesus was like training wheels for the disciples. He taught them and then sent them out for a bit. When they came back from their journeys he was there and the disciples told Jesus about what happened on their travels. That sort of reminds me of coming back to school after summer break and we would all tell our teachers of all the exciting things we did while we were apart from them. 

But there had to be a graduation day where we moved on and never came back to the classroom. Jesus left physically but in his place he left the Holy Spirit with the disciples. 

So I got baptized to wash away all my sins and I got confirmed to get that gift of the Holy Spirit. I know it sounds weird but I really find a guiding presence with me. That may sound odd, but it is true. I am still a man. I still do some pretty stupid things sometimes but I am not alone. I have help to try and guide me the right way to do the right things. I don’t have Jesus but I have the Bible and in it his teachings. I have the Holy Spirit with me. They are my training wheels and if I feel lost I get on my knees and pray to God for some insight. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are my training wheels.

When I make mistakes I ask for forgiveness. I go to “Confession” cause I am catholic. Those who aren’t go pray straight to the man himself. Some may think this is weird as well but I have lived my life outside of the Church, I have lived as a protestant as well as Catholic and for me I find true peace going to confession. Its as if a weight has been lifted off of me when I come out of that door. I am truly thankful for the gifts and blessings that I have been given. I will not tell you what to do. You have been given free will just like me by God. You can do as you wish. You are not a robot forced to love. God wants you to choose him but you don’t have too if you don’t want to. If you do though the gifts that come are amazing and truly helpful. I do suggest them. For your peace, for your life so that you may find a love that fills like no other. 


I know how this may sound. Like a bunch of hokey baloney bull crap. I know cause I used to be on the outside unhappy at times most just unfulfilled with life looking for something more. I found it here on the inside of the “Church” with God. There is nothing I or anyone else can do for you. This is one of those things that you have to do on your own. You have to make that decision and step out into it. Have questions? Nothing wrong with that, all you have to do is ask. Ask that Christian freak you know, or that cool pastor you heard about just remember asking people though means you have to be patient because just because you are asking a Christian we are still people who are flawed we might act weird cause we get a lot of flack from nonbelievers. Me I took a second, found a quiet space and asked God. You don’t have to close your eyes or bow your head if you don’t want to. I do this out of respect for God at the dinner table and at church, but there are many times I will look straight up, eyes wide open, and be like, “Whats going on here? Help please!” I just talk to him like I am talking to you know. Sound stupid? You can think what you want that’s okay. I got mine and I am happy. You just need to decide about yours.

I dunno, thats just me.

John 16:5-11
5But now I am going to him who sent me; yet none of you asks me, `Where are you going?' 6But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your hearts. 7Nevertheless I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8And when he comes, he will convince the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: 9concerning sin, because they do not believe in me;10concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more;11concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

A Poem: Question in the Mind

Question in the Mind

In the room in a dream?
Living the new reality
My feet are falling my eyes arise
I walk its quiet all the time
Lips are moving my eyes bleed
Clouds are dancing on the breeze
Do you hear it can you listen?
Another broken man has fallen
The ties that bind around you neck
You are a slave do not misstep
Walk in a pair walk with a guide
See fake detours for devils pride
Getting louder fall within
Beg for strength, rise again
The words aren’t yours just left on loan
Will you repay? reap what you sew
Another man smiles today
Holding true he has his pay
Ever question ever earn?

A steep reward for whats absurd

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

A Poem : "Turn Around Inside Me"

“Turn Around Inside Me”

The tide it crashes
Throwing tears to the wind
The wind and it’s howling
How did this all begin?
The wonder the labor
The sands sifting time
A rotting green tomato
12 requests for a lime
So the bandages bound
Try to hold back the pain
Each day burns the labor
To try and wash out the stain
The time comes to passing
So sweet and so precious
But they all have to end
The mirror though ruthless
How it never relents
Poses peace to my eyes
In my wrinkles that set
Like the tree and its rings
That tell the tall tale
I have my own memories

And all the smiles that prevail

Saturday, May 17, 2014

A Thought: How God Loves?

God loves you and will do just about anything for you. All he asks is that you love him with all your hear, body and mind and soul and to love each and every person on the earth as you love yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to understand God's love. I understand it as a father  because I am a father. He may not always give us what we want but he gives us what we need. He will give us just about whatever we want but we have to be willing to do the work on our end to get it. God is a father/mother figure not a drive thru window at a fast food restaurant.

Each day I awake and I see so many glorious things. When I walk the small portion of the earth that I occupy and see the ground and its harvest, the sky and its vastness and the community of my fellow Christians I am in awe. Even when I am going through tough times personally I try and pray and take a second and look around. In the gifts of this world I feel peace all of which are given to me by God.

The nice thing to know is that God is here for everyone. He does not discriminate. No matter what race, cultural background or geographic location God is there for you. On the other hand, if you walk away from God you walk away from a lot. you can exist without God in your life but its not as nearly full filling. I have taken time to walk with God and on my own. I would much rather have him in my life. Some have a hard time dealing with that. Some feel that Go should love them and provide for them not matter what they do. "If God loves me he should give me what I want.", much like my children say, "If you love me you would let me eat all the candy I want and play video games all night cause that makes me happy".

I know that it can be hard if you don not believe in God. It can be hard to believe in God. There are a lot of distractions tout there. There are a lot of things in the world from man that encourage you to feed your desires. I myself am flawed. I am a sinner and get distracted from time to time and make mistakes. When I realize that I have gotten off track, I step back and ask for forgiveness. Life is a marathon not a sprint and in running to try and become a saint I constantly pray to God and ask for help to become a better person.  Through God's creations I see God. I find him in Jesus's teachings. I find him at church and in Communion. Knowing those things help me know God and knowing God and spending time actively with Gods loving God creates a wonderful relationship in which he is willing to help me when I ask for help. Do I sometimes still foolishly ask if I can stay up all night playing video games and eat candy? Yes, and like a good father God smiles and explains why that is not really a good idea.

Acts 13:44-52
44The next sabbath almost the whole city gathered together to hear the word of God. 45But when the Jews saw the multitudes, they were filled with jealousy, and contradicted what was spoken by Paul, and reviled him. 46And Paul and Barnabas spoke out boldly, saying, "It was necessary that the word of God should be spoken first to you. Since you thrust it from you, and judge yourselves unworthy of eternal life, behold, we turn to the Gentiles. 47For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, `I have set you to be a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the uttermost parts of the earth.'" 48And when the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and glorified the word of God; and as many as were ordained to eternal life believed. 49And the word of the Lord spread throughout all the region. 50But the Jews incited the devout women of high standing and the leading men of the city, and stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and drove them out of their district. 51But they shook off the dust from their feet against them, and went to Ico'nium. 52And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

 
Psalms 98:1-4
1O sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have gotten him victory. 2The LORD has made known his victory, he has revealed his vindication in the sight of the nations. 3He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the victory of our God. 4Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!

Gospel
John 14:7-14
7If you had known me, you would have known my Father also; henceforth you know him and have seen him." 8Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied." 9Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, `Show us the Father'? 10Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. 11Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father in me; or else believe me for the sake of the works themselves. 12"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I go to the Father. 13Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son; 14if you ask anything in my name, I will do it.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

A Story: "A Day For Hope"

A Day For Hope

Across the plain the looked and saw a shining light
Curious he began to walk
 The grass underneath his feet was dry and soft
He heard birds calling in the distance
Come ,come they beckoned 
Yet out of sight he did not know which way to travel
The clouds began to hang lower
To him they called come, come
His chest began to tighten 
Sweat began to roll down the sides of his face
He knew the danger of the clouds 
He knew that he would get lost in there
Turning he began to run
Faster and faster till he began to run out of breath
Heaving his chest raised higher and higher
A strong wind was now in his face
Cold and strong it began to sting his eyes
In the corner if his mind came a whisper
"Come ,come" the whisper called
Up to the sky he looked 
Barely through the clouds could he saw the birds
Wings out stretched and majestic they waved to him
He tried to jump but he could only muster a couple of feet off the ground
The clouds continued to lower 
Their mist started to coat the ground 
Harder and harder it was becoming to see
His eyes grew heavy with the mist upon him
He could feel his consciousness wanting to drift away
Looking up again he saw the birds 
Trying to fly as low as they can they call him
“Come, come”
Slowly his head lowers for he thinks he can never reach
He thinks that he can never fly
Across the horizon of his pupil a tear slowly rolls
As it releases from his body it does not drop but rises
Hope is in the air and rushing over the plain of his mind
“If?” he thinks
Head still down his eyes roll to the side and upward
Slowly a grin ripples over his face
A golden glow he feels in his fingers
Upwards he reaches
And with a shockwave he pierces the grey clouds and evaporates them

He is no longer seen for the sun now shines through

Thursday, May 8, 2014

A Thought: Living Forever

I have heard people say that they do not want to live forever and I have heard others say that they do. As a musician and someone who loves life I want to live forever. There is so much out there that I never want to die. I find life absolutely fascinating and I want to keep learning. Today I learned about patience. I was cutting some metal by hand and it seemed that the harder I worked at it the longer it took. Finally I had to ‘let go’ and not force the saw. I had to let the blade do the cutting and merely move it back and forth. Every time I pushed to hard it would hang up and I would have to reset my blade and build momentum again.

I am very guilty of doing this with God. I find something in life so interesting that I just want to jump in and get it done quickly. God doesn’t work like that. A lot of times the learning you need is in the journey. I may want to understand a certain scripture right now, but I learn so much more in the journey to finding my answer. I live in a life with a lot of instant access and it becomes second nature to expect it. “BOOM” and its here and I got it. 

The most important thing though is love and too love properly. To love God with all my mind body and soul and to love others as I love myself. I know that God loves me. I know that he wants me to want to spend time with him. I may not always get what I want but he is here helping me get what I need. I can store up money in the bank, I can make sure my pantry is full of food and I can keep my children at home all the time. But one day I will die, the food with rot, the money will mean nothing to me then and my children will be on their own. So I work to save for the future but help anyone I can when I got some extra money in my pocket. I make sure that I can feed my family but I also try to help feed those less fortunate. I try my best to teach my children about the world, how wonderful it is and what to watch out for so they can have happy safe lives.

I have accepted that there is a God. I have taken his son Jesus Christ as my savior. I reach his teachings and take communion to take him into me. For Jesus is the “bread of life” and with him I will have eternal life in heaven.

Am I perfect? No.

But I do try to learn from my mistakes. I ask for forgiveness and I try and be a better person and move forward in my learning of life. 

Do I have to do this? No.

God gave me free will. I have lived with him in my life and I have lived ignoring his ways. I choose to have God in my life because it makes me happy, because I want to goto heaven, because I want to keep learning. I could walk away at any point. I could amass fortunes and be greedy. I could do the drugs that make my mind feel a moment of temporary glee. I could slyly prey on women and have sex  with as many people as I could try and muster, but I would be empty. I would keep looking for that “high” and would keep falling short, and on that journey I would be empty from the absence of love. Love makes me happy and sex and drugs and money does not bring me love. It just gets me stuff and accomplishments that are never enough but with love I am satisfied. With love I feel full. With love I can stop and learn and share and keep making my life better and better. 

I get my love from God and I am thankful, so I worship him, I give him thanks for his great glory.


I dunno but that’s me.

Friday, May 2, 2014

A Poem: "Climbing Out"

“Climbing Out”

The dancing clown is chasing me
Smiling with that grin
He offered his sweet potions
To try and pull me in
I look away everyday
To keep safe what I have
But he is oh so persistent
And his lies don’t seem that bad
I try to shake my head so hard
To get out of this house
The mirrors are confusing 
And time is running out
Each turn I try to holler
And reach out for some help
But all I hear are echoes
Of the screams that I shout
Deep inside I find some peace
A second at a time
Without it I would probably fall
In chains I would reside
And most of all a shining light
That clown hates oh so much
Thats why he hides my matches
And my candles and the such
For all my aches and pains 
That slow me down each day
I gladly bear all of it

So that I can get away

Thursday, May 1, 2014

A Poem: "Refection"

“Reflection”

Outside the rain falls 
Inside the floor is cold
I wonder about the summer breeze
And the warmth that it does hold
From waking dawn
To pitch black sleep
The screaming dogs nip at my feet
The trail fades
The light is dim
The slender man he calls again
I will reach back and hold my heart
For it is anchored in all that’s seen
And what is left and yet to grow

It holds the key and shoulders none