Trying to Jam in That Square Peg?

Far too many times I have been guilty of trying to stick a round pet in a square hole far too many times. I always say its something that might accomplished but you’re going to make a pretty big mess. I decided a long time ago how I was going to help Jesus. It was my way, not his, and of course my way was flawed and I didn’t accomplish a thing. For years I wrote songs from a  Christian perspective but I would stop short at actually proclaiming the word or where I was coming from. As I walked further and further down that path I got farther and father away from my goal. I wanted to tell stories and enlighten and all I did was take part in far too many nights being surrounded by the excesses in life and eventually succumbing to them. I thought I was getting a taste of the good life, but I was bound in slavery. There was never enough drink, drugs, music or easy relationships. I was empty inside and felt alone. No matter how much I tried to consume I only got hung over, burnt out and no one was around to help when I was in trouble. I was left by the side of the road to die.

God was always waiting for me to come back. I finally did come home and I had to learn life all over again. I had to learn what real love was. That it wasn’t some time in the bedroom but truly caring for someone and putting them before me. To disregard my wants and desires for someone else’s in a righteous way. Instead of looking for a high that was false based on chemical reactions in my brain I found one what was through love and true by studying how to love and more importantly forgive. That fills the hole permanently and spreads from Jesus through me to others and hopefully forward. I learned that a celebration is truly for those that were once lost and now found when they also learn the true meaning of love and forgiveness that comes from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I know some might think this is stupid. That I am weak, but I don’t care. I have what I want and the suffering has faded. I invite you to a new way. No matter if you think you’re lost or not. Life can be better. 

Luke 5:33-39

33And they said to him, "The disciples of John fast often and offer prayers, and so do the disciples of the Pharisees, but yours eat and drink." 34And Jesus said to them, "Can you make wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? 35The days will come, when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in those days." 36He told them a parable also: "No one tears a piece from a new garment and puts it upon an old garment; if he does, he will tear the new, and the piece from the new will not match the old. 37And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; if he does, the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled, and the skins will be destroyed. 38But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins. 39And no one after drinking old wine desires new; for he says, `The old is good.'"

A Poem: In Search of...

"In Search of..."

My mind denies my wishes

My body is not far behind

The weight of the waiting is pulling me under

Don't, wait, you'll fail is the call

The words echoes down the hall

My feet drag and my mind wanders

And the light that leads begins to dim

Where and how I do not know

I want out the box its shrinking

Less and less I can do

Mocking me the bad decisions of past

The chuckling makes my skin crawl

A cold hard breeze rakes my skin

The hairs of my body stands on end

Deaths bones rattle in the background

Where am I?

Where am I going?

What do I need to do?

Fearing death I look over my back

No longer no can I see the light before me

My gut begins to turn

Rising up my throat the chunky sickness boils

I collapse and my knees crush to the ground

Skinned and bruised my blood trickles on the ground

As is pools out of me so does my hope

My head sinks and my hands run through my hair

Gripping tightly I want it all out

My hair, my thoughts, my pain

Slowly desperation pulls my head back

Waiting for the blade to cut I weep 

Tears roll out and I start to rise

"Please", is all I can say

Please

Please

Please

And slowly it comes

The idea 

The thought

Away are the grey clouds cast

Again the sun begins to shine

It not mine 

I don't own it

But take the gift

And begin 

Marching again

Fat Dumb Know It All?

I never thought I would be here. Many years ago I got a call from God and I decided to let it goto voicemail, as it were. For selfish reasons I turned my head and then my back and started down a path that took me into a dark lonely forest. At the time it seemed like a good idea. I was chasing the wrong passion for the wrong reasons. When I realized my mistakes and what I should do I would have be happy just to live a solitary life learning and studying and working charity. Now I have 4 children and a wife that depend heavily on me. I teach nearly every minute of everyday and that is not even how I make money but it is my career. I am happy making no money from it. I am humble and happy to do what I can and to find new ways to help God month after month. The rewards from giving myself to God are not measurable. I have never found so much happiness and peace in my life ever.

God knows all, he gave us free will, a wonderful intellect and a desire to do better than yesterday. Unfortunately many use these gifts to forward our selfish ways, and upon our success we think that we are “Masters of the Universe”. We given the opportunity far to many times look inward to ourselves. We think that we are wise and great and wonderful for conquering achievements, but God wants us to look out. He wants us to see the many that are hungry, unclothed, homeless and lost. He wants us to look to him. He wants us to love and forgive and to not hold prejudice. God wants us to love him and show thanks, learn from Jesus’s teachings on how to love and forgive and then focus outward and bring everyone else in to learn so they are no longer alone. You may think that you are not worth of this task but you are. And if you think that you are above it that someone else should do it instead then I caution you. No one is above loving their fellow person. Everyone is called to help and love. All you have and all you are is because of God. Ebenezer Scrooge or Mother Teresa do you want to be?

Luke 5:1-11

1While the people pressed upon him to hear the word of God, he was standing by the lake of Gennes'aret. 2And he saw two boats by the lake; but the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. 3Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon's, he asked him to put out a little from the land. And he sat down and taught the people from the boat. 4And when he had ceased speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch." 5And Simon answered, "Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets." 6And when they had done this, they enclosed a great shoal of fish; and as their nets were breaking, 7they beckoned to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. 8But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord." 9For he was astonished, and all that were with him, at the catch of fish which they had taken; 10and so also were James and John, sons of Zeb'edee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, "Do not be afraid; henceforth you will be catching men." 11And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

A Poem: My Workday

"My Workday"

Rising like s slumbering giant

A new challenge lays before me

A path once golden is grown over

Gone are the street signs that lead the way

With my blade n my hand I swing

Vegetation falls which I bundle for fire

Swinging the sweat begins to flow

The more I swing the more I see to do

Hours upon hours pass

Where is the end

I don't even see the beginning

To the heavens my neck arches

Eyes closed I whisper

"Help, me do for you"

I hear no answer 

Only the lonely whisper dances past my ear

My head sinks with my heart

Head lowered to the ground

I slowly open my eyes

A gift appears

A glimmer in the corner

A bit of the path has been cleared without notice

My heart swells

The aches of my muscles fade

Again I swing again

With all my might

With all my strength 

Each breath breathes out praise

"Thank you oh thank you"

"Your will be mine"

"Thank you oh thank you"

"Forgive me when I'm blind"

Each swing reveals more of the path

My energy is not mine

I know not from where it come

Each day I so return

Some lay idle by

They say I work too much 

That I should just recline

When I do the path it gets grown over

Longer it takes to clear again

Focusing hard I stay to task

So not to stray again

Sometimes as I break on midday

A Thought: Bursting At the Seams!

I read today of some of the large families that exist and I wonder how they do it. I have 4 children and I feel rather taxed. It takes a large amount of grace to make it through the day. Everyday I arise and pray to God. I thank him for all that I have and that he gives. I ask for his help each day. God is here to love all and through us and our work we can help spread his word. When we proclaim we are Christians we are watched very closely. We get held to a higher standard. While being Christians make us no more special or right than anyone else people expect more from us. I urge all to take pause in times of stress to ensure that we stay on a Christian path. In times of ease and smooth sailing I urge all to take time each day and reflect to make sure we don’t get cocky and wander off the path. God has come to all and he wants our help to make sure all receive and understand his word. It is a word of caring and love. We all are human and with the free will that God gave us we have the opportunity to make mistakes. It is with God that we can stay on a path that is righteous and loving.

Being a Christian is like being is a special club though many do not realize it. We have benefits and privileges and with that comes responsibility. I urge all to take the title Christian with special care. I am having a wonderful year in my garden this year but if I do not attend to it will merely become a patch of weeds. I have to tend to it daily. Pick the fruits of the garden before they spoil. Week after week weeds try to invade and it is my responsibility to keep them at bay. If I do decide to take the responsibility and tend accordingly the benefits can be overwhelming. Its not easy, like I have said before. God don’t like lazy. He wants us to earn our fruits. For nothing earned really has any value it is an empty gift. And Heaven and all its glory is something well worth working for.

Luke 4:38-44

38And he arose and left the synagogue, and entered Simon's house. Now Simon's mother-in-law was ill with a high fever, and they besought him for her. 39And he stood over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her; and immediately she rose and served them. 40Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any that were sick with various diseases brought them to him; and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them. 41And demons also came out of many, crying, "You are the Son of God!" But he rebuked them, and would not allow them to speak, because they knew that he was the Christ. 42And when it was day he departed and went into a lonely place. And the people sought him and came to him, and would have kept him from leaving them; 43but he said to them, "I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other cities also; for I was sent for this purpose." 44And he was preaching in the synagogues of Judea.

A Poem: Clouds

"Clouds

I sit here and I wonder 

My mind in the grey

Eyes on the clouds

Is that where dreams are held?

Drifting as they do

Are the lost on on a mission?

So many clouds I see down here

Passing the sun

Some rain the tears of pain

Others just rumble about

Trying to hold them

Trying to hug

Trying to help them rise once again

In the sky where clouds belong

My feet so heavy 

Like anchors of a ship

Grounded to the rock

Its weight heavy and sound

I do not wish to fly

Tempted by days past by

I wonder I pause then forward

Screaming the pain in my throat rips

Piercing tears into my own ears

Clouds keep falling off the cliff

Over the edge falling into the pit

Am I not worthy?

Is my love to little for some time?

Am I a lonely grain of sand on the beach?

Looking at the masses 

They all look just like me

I do not want to fly

Nor do I want to leave

Can I just be me?

The inside of me 

What I see

Or do I need to learn to fly? 

Like the clouds

Mystery is the answer

So I wait

So I hope

So I pray

Again

Mad As A Slave

It can be very hard to battle the truth when it sits right in front of your face. I have a trouble with anger. Its something that I have spent a lot of time dealing with through prayer and meditation. When the truth used to present itself to me and show me that I was wrong in something I would work very hard to defend myself. The thing is, there is nothing wrong with being wrong. We are flawed and have free will it is inevitable that we will make mistakes. I once was told that the best way to face my shortcomings was to pray to Jesus first thing in the morning and envision him in front of me. I was told to ask for his help that he be a witness to me that day to help me stay on the right track. I even pray to the Saints and Mary from time to time and ask them to put in a good word for me and for their help as well. Do I still get mad? Yes, but I find now that as soon as I do I remember my goal and my requests in prayer. I feel Jesus there with me shaking his head with a smile on his face reminding me of how to act and what to do. 

God sent Jesus not to remind us of his desire for harsh rule. He sent Jesus to teach us the love inside his lessons and rules. God doesn’t just make up rules to be like a dictator. He does it out of love because he wants to see us successful and happy. True evil reviles love and hates it for it conquers what evil is trying to do. God is pure true love and evil wants to see the fall of that. Evil will try and trick you into thinking you are getting what you want and deserve and are better off, and then enslave you because enough is never enough. Love teaches that sacrifice is more fulfilling and rewarding and creates a better place. How the world could shine if we would all love each other as we do ourselves.

Luke 4:31-37

31And he went down to Caper'na-um, a city of Galilee. And he was teaching them on the sabbath; 32and they were astonished at his teaching, for his word was with authority. 33And in the synagogue there was a man who had the spirit of an unclean demon; and he cried out with a loud voice, 34"Ah! What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are, the Holy One of God." 35But Jesus rebuked him, saying, "Be silent, and come out of him!" And when the demon had thrown him down in the midst, he came out of him, having done him no harm. 36And they were all amazed and said to one another, "What is this word? For with authority and power he commands the unclean spirits, and they come out." 37And reports of him went out into every place in the surrounding region.