I can remember a time when I was afraid to go home because home wasn’t “home”. I can remember times when all I wanted to do was hide all day because I was afraid of being found. While some laugh at me because they do not feel it, fear can be a very defining feeling. It can define what you will and will not do on any given day. For a very long time I hid my faith. I talked about in poetry and songs. I would scream about it at the top of my lungs on a stage but it was masked by so many smilies and metaphors that I began to realize that no one knew what I was talking about. I would be surrounded by people who lamented that they were not accepted (people in the music scene) and where angry at the world about it. I knew thought that if I shared my faith with them I would be ridiculed, laughed at and that what few friends I had never speak to me again, even if I only wanted to share with them a place where I felt love. I wanted to tell them that they could have that too. I can remember how around my christian community (the people that were to love me and accept me) abandoned me. They would sit in the pews and praise Jesus and his teachings which I agreed with, only to hear moments later about how certain people were unchristian and just down right disgusting. For years I felt alone in a crowded room. All I felt was hate and I retreated further and further. When left on my own my faith and myself became weak. I fell hard in very cold and dark place. My head down I didn’t want to look at anything or anybody sober. As my life both spiritually and health-wise began to unravel at an ever quickening rate, I looked up. In that cold, dark and lonely corner I looked up. I began to ask questions, and for the first time more importantly, I began to listen and look for the answers. I had some really long conversations with God. He welcomed me and invited me in for a closer look. I started reading his son’s teachings, learning and I let go. I thought I might fall but I only flew. The only thing that holds me back is me. I know we all here that, “You should never care what anyone thinks”. I trump that idea. You should only care about what God thinks. Have “friends” left me? Yeah, I have lost many that were once by my side, but they were never actually there. I haven’t felt alone though in quite a long time. I don’t do anything now but get up and say good morning to God and give him the reins. I still make mistakes, but I confess them and learn from them. Each day I try to be better, smarter and stronger though none of it is from me.
Luke 21:12-19
12But before all this they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name's sake. 13This will be a time for you to bear testimony. 14Settle it therefore in your minds, not to meditate beforehand how to answer; 15for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict. 16You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and kinsmen and friends, and some of you they will put to death; 17you will be hated by all for my name's sake. 18But not a hair of your head will perish. 19By your endurance you will gain your lives.
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