A Thought: Do You Want What You Shouldn't Have?

Recently I had a rather fiery discussion with one of my sons. He said that he liked old people (like me) and little little kids cause they don't have to work hard all day like he does. They get to do whatever they want while he has to wait to play video games.

Ah, the joys of being a father.

Reflecting on this discussion I recall many a prayer I have had with God. "Please if you love me you will let me have this...", it's amazing how your words and actions can come back to you. Anymore I will say things like, "Well if you think it's good for me to have this I will gladly accept it and I will do my best to listen to you and do with it as you wish." You know. A prayer of a similar nature was spoken when the lotto jackpot hit 1.5 BILLION.

God gives us what we can handle with his help, but that's the kicker. How many of us call on God for daily assistance to use the blessings he endows upon us? There are times that we beg and work hard for things that we should not have. God uses these times for learning moments. These are usually the time in reflection that I had wished I had kept my big mouth shut.

I find my life works the best when I stay focused on God. When I listen to his word and adhere to his teachings. When in doubt I try to find a quiet place and just listen. I listen to what God has to say and take his advice seriously.  I don't always like what he says but knows that it is right.

God loves you and wants you. If you choose to ignore him he still loves you. He is merely waiting for you to desire him. God has so much to offer if we let him.  When I finally opened my life to him I wanted more. I am even willing to repel in from the ceiling even to get more, his love is that awesome.

1 Samuel 8:4-7, 10-22
4Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah, 5and said to him, "Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint for us a king to govern us like all the nations." 6But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, "Give us a king to govern us." And Samuel prayed to the LORD. 7And the LORD said to Samuel, "Hearken to the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them. 10So Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking a king from him. 11He said, "These will be the ways of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and appoint them to his chariots and to be his horsemen, and to run before his chariots; 12and he will appoint for himself commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and some to plow his ground and to reap his harvest, and to make his implements of war and the equipment of his chariots. 13He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. 14He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive orchards and give them to his servants. 15He will take the tenth of your grain and of your vineyards and give it to his officers and to his servants. 16He will take your menservants and maidservants, and the best of your cattle and your asses, and put them to his work. 17He will take the tenth of your flocks, and you shall be his slaves. 18And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves; but the LORD will not answer you in that day." 19But the people refused to listen to the voice of Samuel; and they said, "No! but we will have a king over us, 20that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may govern us and go out before us and fight our battles." 21And when Samuel had heard all the words of the people, he repeated them in the ears of the LORD. 22And the LORD said to Samuel, "Hearken to their voice, and make them a king." Samuel then said to the men of Israel, "Go every man to his city."

Psalms 89:16-19
15Blessed are the people who know the festal shout, who walk, O LORD, in the light of thy countenance, 16who exult in thy name all the day, and extol thy righteousness. 17For thou art the glory of their strength; by thy favor our horn is exalted. 18For our shield belongs to the LORD, our king to the Holy One of Israel.

Mark 2:1-12
1And when he returned to Caper'na-um after some days, it was reported that he was at home. 2And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room for them, not even about the door; and he was preaching the word to them. 3And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. 4And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him; and when they had made an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic lay. 5And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "My son, your sins are forgiven." 6Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts, 7"Why does this man speak thus? It is blasphemy! Who can forgive sins but God alone?" 8And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, "Why do you question thus in your hearts? 9Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, `Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, `Rise, take up your pallet and walk'? 10But that you may know that the Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" -- he said to the paralytic -- 11"I say to you, rise, take up your pallet and go home." 12And he rose, and immediately took up the pallet and went out before them all; so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, "We never saw anything like this!"

The Hustle and Bustle of Christmas

You know as we are strolling though this season of Advent preparing for the arrival of Jesus in the past and present I am struck by the words the Angel said to Mary, “Hail, full of grace the lord is with you”. Sometimes I wonder what an Angel would say to me if I encountered one. It would probably depend on the day I suppose. One day I might be greeted with a smile. Another I may be greeted with the Angel preforming a face-plant and sighing. 

Last night I went to my 7yr. old’s Holiday program. It was lots of fun and I had a blast watching the children sing. My 4 month old was getting wiggly and because my wife was ill I decided to take him into the hall and go for a walk. From the hall I could hear and see the program. Pacing back and forth we talked and listened. He would coo I would respond and we would look out the door and watch.  At 4 months he hates sitting still. In the Hall I noticed 2 things. One tons of prep go into a program that seems so small and simple. Two, there is always something going on. As the program was unveiling the Kindergarten class that had already preformed was sitting off to the side. The 2 teachers were constantly running back and forth. It seemed like every child had to have a potty break. I could sense the challenge the teachers were facing but they stayed calm and ushered them back and forth keep them safe. 

Advent is sort of like that. Christmas, wether you are a Christian or not tends to be a big production with lots of distractions. Everyone rushes around and does the best they can to complete all their tasks on time. The nice thing about Christmas though is that many are in good spirits and when it would be easy to snap so many stay calm. For Christians Advent is a time to prepare to invite Jesus into our hearts. Hopefully he never left but it is a season of remembrance and renewal. For us Catholics it’s the beginning of the Liturgical Year, so in a way Advent is like New Years and we get the sense to make resolutions and start over fresh. 

Wether you are Christian or not, Catholic or not, I invite you to open your heart to Jesus. He loves you and wants to hang out with you. He wants to share his good teachings and help you through your worst days. Jesus is the wing man you always want and who is dying to be on the first string squad in the game that is your life. This life is fleeting, temporary. One day your body will retire and your soul will need a retirement home. God is inviting you to spend eternity with him, but it is your choice. Just as Mary had a choice, so do you. I encourage you to invite him into your life. 

Luke 1:26-38

26In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. 28And he came to her and said, "Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you!"29But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and considered in her mind what sort of greeting this might be. 30And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there will be no end." 34And Mary said to the angel, "How shall this be, since I have no husband?" 35And the angel said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. 36And behold, your kinswoman Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37For with God nothing will be impossible." 38And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.

Michael

Whisper Behind the Light

obbo_91@yahoo.com

Frustrated in the Garage? Don't Throw That Wrench!

I remember when I was young there more than I a few times that I got frustrated. Working for my father I always tried to do the best for him. Occasionally though I would come a cross a problem working on something and with my little experience I just couldn't wrap my head around it. My father would enter and say something to the manner of, "Oh you just have to do so and so...", and boop bidy boop he would fix the issue at hand. The was no bragging. There was no ridicule, he just taught me so that I would be more wise and more able. 

Thing is God is much the same. Does he get disappointed when we don't work to be the best we can be, yeah. Does he get angry when we don't do as he wishes, probably, but like a loving father he is there to help us. He is there loving us wether we choose to accept it or not. God has so many wonderful gifts that he wishes to share with you. I have tried many things in my time. I have tried just about every path that there is out there, and I now know one thing for certain. The gifts that I receive from God are the most fruitful, wonderful and fulfilling that I have ever received. I am no great man. I am not rich beyond my wildest dreams. I am no master of industry or any particular man-made universe. With the gifts I have received from God though I have a happiness that I have never experienced before in my life. Does my life get hard? Yes, sometimes it is very daunting and challenging, but I know that as long as I stick with Gods way, Jesus’ teachings and accept the Holy Spirit’s guidance I will be okay. This world can do what it wants. I can come to realize that it will only self-destruct. Myself, I will die. My body will fall and be put back to the earth. Through God and with the saving grace of Jesus Christ I can live forever in Heaven above with all my brothers and sisters in Christ. This physical body is merely a phase. This earth is a  place to learn and grow and with God’s help reach a happiness and beauty like no other. 

So like my father helped me so many times in the garage or out in the field, God waits in this field of life. He has the map and knows the way for each one of us to go. All we have to do is ask and be willing to listen. Are you ready to listen? Are you ready to learn? Are you ready to experience knowledge, wisdom and love like you have never experienced before. Your heavenly father is waiting.

Isaiah 29:17-24

17Is it not yet a very little while until Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field, and the fruitful field shall be regarded as a forest? 18In that day the deaf shall hear the words of a book, and out of their gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind shall see. 19The meek shall obtain fresh joy in the LORD, and the poor among men shall exult in the Holy One of Israel. 20For the ruthless shall come to nought and the scoffer cease, and all who watch to do evil shall be cut off, 21who by a word make a man out to be an offender, and lay a snare for him who reproves in the gate, and with an empty plea turn aside him who is in the right. 22Therefore thus says the LORD, who redeemed Abraham, concerning the house of Jacob: "Jacob shall no more be ashamed, no more shall his face grow pale. 23For when he sees his children, the work of my hands, in his midst, they will sanctify my name; they will sanctify the Holy One of Jacob, and will stand in awe of the God of Israel. 24And those who err in spirit will come to understanding, and those who murmur will accept instruction."

Psalms 27:1, 4, 13-14

1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 4One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple. 13I believe that I shall see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! 14Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yea, wait for the LORD!

Matthew 9:27-31

27And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed him, crying aloud, "Have mercy on us, Son of David." 28When he entered the house, the blind men came to him; and Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" They said to him, "Yes, Lord." 29Then he touched their eyes, saying, "According to your faith be it done to you." 30And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly charged them, "See that no one knows it." 31But they went away and spread his fame through all that district.

Michael

Whisper Behind the Light

obbo_91@yahoo.com

The Swiss Army Knife, What Do You Need?

I remember when I was growing up one of most favorite gifts was a Swiss Army Knife. When I first received it I wasn't very grateful. Yeah I was a boy and it was a knife, it could cut things and so that was cool, but it wasn't a gift that I wowed over. To be honest for much time I didn’t carry it. It just sat around and it was just one of many other gifts my parents had given me, until. One day I needed a screw driver. Now as an adult I don't even walk around with a screwdriver in my pocket so I certainly didn’t have one on me then, but for some reason I had that knife and it worked. My mind for some reason was blown wide open. From that day on I found that if I kept that knife on me it came in handy in so many ways. If there was a problem it was very possible that the knife would be part of the answer, and what went from a gift that seemed meaningless and okay turned into a gift that had so many applications and helped me so much. I don't know where that knife is today. I probably lost it on one of my many youthful adventures, but I now find my faith like that knife only better. 

My faith has helped me so much. I believe in God. I have taken Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and savior. I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit. I goto my Church to learn and become stronger. I partake in the sacraments my Church affords me. Through the Sacraments I receive Grace that lets me fight off the temptation to sin. Through my faith I find love where I have not before. I find peace where I would never expect to find it. With God as my wingman I have a serenity that wraps me so warm and true. God simply will take care of you if you let him into your life and build a relationship with him. It’s not just simply going to church on Sunday. You don't just pray and tell Jesus what you expect him to do for you each day. You need to build a relationship with God. He loves you but he is not just going to do what you want. Like a good friend he will say “No” when necessary. Jesus is an amazing teacher he can help you navigate any troubled relationship, if you choose to listen. He can teach you to open your heart and find a love that is pure and more satisfying than any temporary pleasure. The Holy Spirit, if you let it into your life can help you in so many tough situations. All you need to do is ask. It can help you conquer any fear, doubt and uncertainty. Are you in need of a tool in your life that can work in all situations? I don't know of anyone that could use some help. I don't know of anyone that couldn't use a large dose of peace, love and serenity. God is waiting all you have to do is choose.

Isaiah 25:6-10

6On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of fat things, a feast of wine on the lees, of fat things full of marrow, of wine on the lees well refined. 7And he will destroy on this mountain the covering that is cast over all peoples, the veil that is spread over all nations. 8He will swallow up death for ever, and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth; for the LORD has spoken. 9It will be said on that day, "Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation." 10For the hand of the LORD will rest on this mountain, and Moab shall be trodden down in his place, as straw is trodden down in a dung-pit.

Psalms 23:1-6

1The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want; 2he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; 3he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Matthew 15:29-37

29And Jesus went on from there and passed along the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain, and sat down there. 30And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the maimed, the blind, the dumb, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them, 31so that the throng wondered, when they saw the dumb speaking, the maimed whole, the lame walking, and the blind seeing; and they glorified the God of Israel. 32Then Jesus called his disciples to him and said, "I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days, and have nothing to eat; and I am unwilling to send them away hungry, lest they faint on the way." 33And the disciples said to him, "Where are we to get bread enough in the desert to feed so great a crowd?" 34And Jesus said to them, "How many loaves have you?" They said, "Seven, and a few small fish." 35And commanding the crowd to sit down on the ground, 36he took the seven loaves and the fish, and having given thanks he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. 37And they all ate and were satisfied; and they took up seven baskets full of the broken pieces left over.

Michael Smith
Whisper Behind the Light
obbo_91@yahoo.com

I WANT! I WANT!

It’s funny when I get home from work anymore. Right now we are fully in the season of Advent and Christmas. My wife has amazing patience, she has to see, she runs a daycare out of our home. Everyday now when I come home it is T.V. time and the children are gathered around. They gaze at the show at hand, but now we have a new fun game to play. As the show fades to commercials ads of all sorts for toys and whatnot come on. “Oh oh, I want, I want”, I hear so many young voice exclaim. As one commercial rolls to another I hear sometimes piercing screams of joy over what they hope Santa puts under the Christmas tree. 

I often hear the same out of adults, but it is not said with the joy and adulation of young children. “I wish, my wife would do what I wanted” or “Why can’t my son just do his homework on time”, some groan about conflicts with parents or friends, but they all seem to desire the same thing, peace. You could give me a million dollars, a brand new fancy car and a magic pill to miraculously make me look like a super stud, but I would trade it all away for peace, love and serenity. For far too many hours in my past I have walked this world and with the desires of a child would see things and think, “I WANT! I WANT!”, and do the least to attain them, yes the least. I wanted things easy. I didn’t want to work at it. I didn’t want to know the real answers in life. 

I have an old house that I have fixed up a bit, a rusty car in the driveway, a yard that has grass growing in most of it but I have what I desire the most of all. I have peace, serenity and love. My world can flip upside down and I am okay. My youngest after his birth had health issues, I was okay. As Christmas rolls closer and closer I know that the tree will not have all the gifts my children desire under it and I am okay. I have peace, love and serenity. I have a job where people steal my food out of the fridge and I am okay. I have sometimes literally mountains of work to conquer that make me sweat and soar, but I am okay. Each day I am overwhelmed with the amount of tasks I am supposed to get done and I am okay. Why, because I have peace, love and serenity. 

What changed for me was that I found God, actually I found Jesus. I had always know God and that Jesus guy, yeah he seemed cool, I had never really spent time with Jesus and listened. Fed up with my life I started to read his teachings. Why not, nothing else seemed to satisfy. Slowly God’s wisdom was unveiled to me. Slowly I began to change. Slowly I went from a mindset of “I WANT I WANT” to “Thank you dear God I can't even count how many blessings you have given me each day”. Do I deserve these gifts from God? No, but God loves me so he gives them to me. God gives me my peace, serenity and love. God is my anchor. God is the rock I build my life upon. When I follow his ways all is well. When I do not, I fall. I am no perfect man. I am no hero. I have no amazing talent of myself. I am a sinner trying to be the best I can with God's help. I am a mere man but I have chosen to follow Jesus. I have chosen a life of study. I read his word and I try and understand. I pray to God for help and then most importantly, I work hard to listen. 

God has gifts to share with you that would put any array of gifts under the most beautiful Christmas tree to shame, and all you have to do is ask. All you have to do is let Jesus into your heart, and let him become you lord and savior. All you have to do is become baptized in the Holy Spirit. I urge you to come to Church and let go. Take the reins of your life and throw them up to God. You will be amazed with what he can do. The choice is yours. This is the season. This is great time for renewal. We are celebrating the arrival of Jesus to the world and hopefully your heart, so if you ever find yourself saying, “I WANT! I WANT!”, please pause and say a prayer cause God is there waiting to give you all you need. 

Isaiah 11:1-10

1There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. 2And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. 3And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; 4but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked. 5Righteousness shall be the girdle of his waist, and faithfulness the girdle of his loins. 6The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 7The cow and the bear shall feed; their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 8The sucking child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder's den. 9They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea. 10In that day the root of Jesse shall stand as an ensign to the peoples; him shall the nations seek, and his dwellings shall be glorious.

Psalms 72:1, 7-8, 12-13, 17

0A Psalm of Solomon. 6May he be like rain that falls on the mown grass, like showers that water the earth! 7In his days may righteousness flourish, and peace abound, till the moon be no more! 11May all kings fall down before him, all nations serve him! 12For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper. 16May there be abundance of grain in the land; on the tops of the mountains may it wave; may its fruit be like Lebanon; and may men blossom forth from the cities like the grass of the field!

Luke 10:21-24

21In that same hour he rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, "I thank thee, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes; yea, Father, for such was thy gracious will. 22All things have been delivered to me by my Father; and no one knows who the Son is except the Father, or who the Father is except the Son and any one to whom the Son chooses to reveal him." 23Then turning to the disciples he said privately, "Blessed are the eyes which see what you see! 24For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it." 

Do You Like to Share? Do You Like to Serve?

My Thanksgiving weekend was absolutely wonderful, instead of going out and shopping, my family stayed in and enjoyed each other's company. We had many discussions and took many pictures but a large chunk of the weekend we spent watching the trilogy, The Lord of the Rings.

The part that stood out to me was when Aragon was called to take his place as King. Over and over he was called but he was frightened that he would make the same mistake as his forefather. Eventually rose and answered the call to serve his people. I couldn't help but think of my own life as a Christian. Jesus asks all that believe to share his word, to spread his word. God calls us to make disciples in all nations. How many of us answer this call? I am guilty. Many times in my past I have had the opportunity to share my love and knowledge of God but I stayed quiet. For far too long I kept God's love a secret. I was worried of being mocked. I was worried of being discriminated against. I was worried of what others would think. 

As I have gotten older I have seen those once close to me fall. Others I have seen die and pass on. I pray for their safety and that their souls find their way to heaven. How many struggle in life because I have not taken the time to share what I know? This life is temporary. One day I will die, and I hope that I will go to heaven. When I arrive, what will God say to me? Will he asked why I haven't helped more, fed more, clothed more, loved more and shared the love and teachings of Jesus Christ more? 

I am a shy man. I am a quiet man. I now focus my life to share my love for Jesus because with Jesus in my life I have never known more peace,serenity and love. I work hard to share my faith. I work hard to overcome my shyness, my fear. I recently made a t-shirt for myself, nothing fancy but after making it my wife asked if I had realized that I had made a mistake. See I made t-shirt that reads, "have you shared your faith today". Thing is all the letters are backwards. I told her no, I made it like that on purpose so that when I look in the mirror I will have that message starring me in the face. 

If you have no faith I plead with you to take the time to investigate. Sharing your life with Jesus is amazing. If you have faith, please share. Do not hoard it like a treasure hidden in the basement, share it with all. Let your faith shine and let the love of Jesus Christ shine through you so that others an find their way. No one should be alone in this world and God has plenty of love to share with all. 

Romans 10:9-18

9because, if you confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For man believes with his heart and so is justified, and he confesses with his lips and so is saved. 11The scripture says, "No one who believes in him will be put to shame." 12For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; the same Lord is Lord of all and bestows his riches upon all who call upon him. 13For, "every one who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." 14But how are men to call upon him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without a preacher? 15And how can men preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach good news!" 16But they have not all obeyed the gospel; for Isaiah says, "Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?" 17So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes by the preaching of Christ. 18But I ask, have they not heard? Indeed they have; for "Their voice has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the world."

Psalms 19:8-11

7The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; 8the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; 9the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever; the ordinances of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. 10More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

Matthew 4:18-22

18As he walked by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon who is called Peter and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. 19And he said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." 20Immediately they left their nets and followed him. 21And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zeb'edee and John his brother, in the boat with Zeb'edee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. 22Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed him.

A Poem: Pondering Paralyzed

Pondering Paralyzed

Nails in my mouth 

I’m biting so hard

The rot refuses to subside

The drift that flakes off of your skin

Is the same that clouds my mind

Paralyzed in grief

Pain I can only seem to stare

You look into me

Inside my soul

I cannot hide

I cannot bear

A stench wells up inside my nose

A rotting flesh decays

It is not you 

Its inside me 

My soul it wastes away

Stuck in  my fear, ashamed I grieve

I feel I cannot move

What’s worse is that it’s all imagined

I only have to choose

A tear rolls down beside my cheek

I think I might pursue

Its so unclear 

What holds me back?

The past? 

The fear?

Am I used?

Am I done?

by 

Michael

Whisper Behind the Light

whisperbehindthelight@gmail.com