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I feel very lucky. See my mother was instrumental in my upbringing, as she should, but the way she taught me set me up for some many wonderful things. Rule #1 don't discriminate, never, it’s not allowed, just like Catholicism. You never know when you are going to be the odd man out, so you should always treat people like you want to be treated. I never realized how awesome this role would be when forming my faith life and my journey through it.
I’m Catholic, it’s weird how I got here but looking back it makes perfect sense. What strikes me now about my chosen faith is how so many bash and trash on the Catholic faith. I became a Christian so easily. I have never encountered a more beautiful experience in all my life. I am thankful that God allowed his only son to become flesh and visit us here on earth and teach us personally. Whenever I get lost I read my Bible. I read the Gospels and I find my way. I love reading the Gospels in every mass. It truly keeps me centered.
I have met many a person that has ripped on Christianity in general. Christianity tries to control you. Christianity always says no. Christianity is just a religion created by man to control other people. Christianity is some hokey pokey religion that helps weak people through their day. I smile, I love those that disagree and I pray for them. If I have an opportunity I try and talk with them about my faith. Sometimes they listen sometimes they don’t. I still love them. Why, cause Jesus tells me to. Jesus tells me to love. Why, because it’s good for me. I know that might seem odd, but there are two outs I can take. One, someone trashes my religion and refuses to listen. I could get mad but then I am holding that anger which is like poison. It stirs me up for a good part of my day and I have that negativity influencing how a react and act towards to other people for the rest of the day. Two, I love them. I accept that where they are at in their journey they don't understand God and faith. I love them and pray for them and ask God to help them find their way. I pray that if God wants I will help with that and to have the wisdom, knowledge and patience to help them be all they can through God with God’s help. When I move forward with love I have hope for the rest of my day. Actually I sometimes even feel eager anticipation for the rest of my day waiting to see if I get to help God. The fact is, I feel positive energy, love for the remainder of my day. I feel love and through that love I feel happiness. That is what my Christianity through Catholicism brings me. That is what the Church teaches me, to love.
It throws me when other denominations rip on Catholicism. I get it now on some level. Everyone thinks that their way is the one way and when ego gets involved it can get sticky. If we allow ourselves to believe that we are not following the one true way then we are wrong, and in this culture today that seems to be like the biggest sin ever, to be WRONG. I do something wrong every week in my life. Honestly, I take it all to God. One of the things that I love about my Catholicism is that I can pray everyday all the time and ask for forgiveness. I can go to mass any day of the week in just about any town and celebrate with Jesus up close and personal. If I really mess up I can sit down with my priest in Confession and let those sins go. I let it out. Jesus takes it off me. Father gives me some penance which helps me reflect and ask God for help to become a stronger person so that I can move forward with love. I feel amazing after Confession, like a million tons have been lifted off me. I feel love from the experience and move forward with true peace and happiness that lasts longer than any momentary pleasure. Going back to my mother’s #1 rule I don't rip on other faiths. I have been a member of U.C.C. (United Church of Christ), Methodist, and even non-denominational Bible Churches. In all I have found God. In all I have communed with Jesus. In all I have experienced the Holy Spirit, but in Catholicism I have truly found home. I find the place I feel I really belong.
I haven’t always been a good little Christian boy. See the thing is I got frustrated with my Protestant experiences. For me it always seemed like something was missing. It seemed like there were always fingers pointing. Sometimes church just seemed like a hang out, a social experience. Don't get me wrong, like I said I learned a lot. I am so thankful for all the lessons I learned along the way but they all seemed to point to Catholicism. I always wanted more. I always wanted to go deeper, but I hit a dead-end. In my frustration and with no one to help me I uttered the classic line that for many was the end of their faith.
“I don’t need church. I can hang with Jesus anywhere at any time. I’ll just pray and read my Bible on my own.”
If there was ever one time I wish I could go back and change it is that one.
Things where great for a while. See, I had a really good prayer habit. For me at that point in my life I talked to God on a regular basis. Reading the Bible, I wasn't so good at, but I figured I would get better with time. I did try a few times to read but I got bogged down rather quickly. I would be certain that Satan was licking his chops. He knew this was his “in”. It wasn't all at once, he was patient and he took his time. Slowly he chipped away at me till I didn’t practice my faith at all, and when I did look back he convinced me that God could never love a guy like me. I was a disgusting sinner that had done so much and was so dirty I never could or would be accepted back. I believed this garbage and lugged along, and then there I was, a complete mess. My world was so upside down I couldn't find my way out. What did I do? I prayed, I didn’t think God would listen but I had to try, I had to. The way I was living I wouldn't last long. I wanted love, acceptance, happiness and most of all peace, all of which I had none of at that time in my life. Okay, I prayed, I asked God to forgive me, what’s next. I got to get some help. I knew that I needed people to surround me. I couldn’t do this alone. I needed a support group, a place where I could go and help me get through these first few days and help me get back on the straight an narrow with God. I needed a church. Not knowing where to go or what to do I called the pastor at my old church. He could help me. It was far away but I bet he could help me. It was late but I called anyway, no answer but their was an answering machine. I left a message and did my best to make sure that I didn’t sound like I was sobbing on the phone, and I waited for an answer.
Nothing
I never got a call back. You gotta know Satan loved this. In my mind his words were ringing, “See told ya, if God really wanted you back he would send someone to your door right now. God can do anything right? Well then why isn't God helping you? Cause you are dirty, rotting piece of flesh that doesn't deserve anything. Not after what all you have done. Come on, have another drink, call up your friends. This is your lot. That God and his son Jesus are too good for you and you don't need them any way.”
I didn’t give up. Deep down I didn’t care if Jesus didn’t want me. I didn’t care if God gave up on me. I knew that the way I was going was surely leading to an early grave. I started looking. I continued to pray, actually I was begging. I finally found a church to goto. I didn’t go every Sunday but when I did go I felt happiness. I felt peace, and I began to feel hope. The thing I came to realize was that I needed to change my whole surroundings. I needed to wash away all that I was immersed in. I changed it all. Where I lived, how I lived, what job I had. Things just weren't right though, something was missing. The down side to moving was that I couldn’t go to that church anymore cause I was too far away. I tried looking for a new one but it didn’t work out so well. Because I had changed so much in my life, my faith took a hit. My prayer slowed. I didn’t read the Bible like I should. I started to slide again, and then something happened.
I met a girl.
Her story was similar to mine but different. We had both been wrapped up in lives that we shouldn't have. She was a single mother of one trying to make her way. We both got off track with our faith. We had both been strong at one point but had fallen and were trying to find our way again. Honestly I had a vibe she was interested in me but I was so distracted I didn’t pay it much attention until she was completely blunt with me. Yeah, I’m a guy. Ladies, if all else fails with a guy, be blunt with him. We’re simple like that. I asked her if she believed in “God Stuff”, she said yes. I told her point blank that I was tired of the running around and that if I was every going to get involved with someone again that it was going to be for good. She said okay that was good for her. Basically on a whim a girl told me she liked me and I told her if we are going to be together we are getting married and she said yes. That still blows my mind.
“Hey you want to go out sometime?”
“Yeah, but we’re getting married if we do.”
“Okay, sounds good”
Let me be honest we were heading down a path I don't think either of us imagined. God did, I think he had this planned all along. Maybe not the whole thing, but God can get you out of anywhere. God is like the coolest version of GPS ever. “Okay, you want to hang with me okay let’s see I am going to get you with this woman cause together you're really going to go places, in a good way, my way if you believe in me.” We had no idea what we were doing. We started dating and things just fell in place. I would love to tell you that it was all easy and that we didn’t make any mistakes but it wasn't so. Soon after we started dating we began living together and one day she told me, “I want to give you a heads up. I think I am pregnant.” My response was unbelievable. See I had been married before and kids scared the crap out of me, but for some reason I was cool with it. It didn’t bother me for a second. Over the pregnancy she would fret and worry. She swore up and down that I was going to leave her. I was her rock. Why, well one day she asked me to come with her to pick up her son from CCD (Sunday School). Sitting outside waiting for them to come to the car I watch everyone leave the building CCD was in and walk next door to goto church. They all looked so happy. It was a very small church. She got in the car with her son and I told her, “We should start going to church.” I was her rock because God gave me the perfect place to enter my life again. With God I can do anything and with God in my life I was able navigate every storm and challenge that came our way.
The first time I went to Catholic mass wasn't exactly the first time for me. When I was in my teens I had gone to a TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) weekend. It was an awesome experience for me. It blew my faith wide open at a time when I really needed it. Knowing an inch about Catholicism I entered the doors. There I was with my live-in Girlfriend pregnant out of wedlock with a son from a different relationship. I was waiting to receive the glares of, “How dare you come to church like this. You sinners need to get your life together before you come in here.” Not one glare was thrown. In fact it was the opposite. The more we came, the more we where welcomed. I figured I would give her religion a try. It was alright but before I was going to ditch mine I wanted to dig a bit deeper. There was something here I hadn't experienced before.
Luckily her Uncle was a priest. I thought, “Okay, IT’S ON! I’m going to grill this guy and find out the what’s what and if this Catholic thing passes the mustard then I am in. If not then we’re going to find another religion.” The conversations were amazing. Not only did we agree on so much but I found that my protestant faith was the tip of the iceberg. There was so much that I was missing out on. The more I dug the more I found. The more I found the more things made sense. The more I dug the more love, peace and acceptance I found.
There were challenges though.
I was divorced. Remember I was planning on marrying this girl. That meant that I had to get an annulment. I had to write a paper on my life and how I came to be married and why and how it fell apart. I had to answer a bunch of questions. I had to contact my ex and her family was contacted. All that I thought had been put to rest had to be dug back up and examined with a magnifying glass and bright shining light. I found peace. It was stressful but it allowed me to examine how my life had been, how and why I got married in contrast to what I should have done, been and acted. My wife to be was scared. This isn't a quick process. It took two years. My wife to be exclaimed that if the Catholic Church wouldn't let us get married then we would go somewhere else. Me, I wasn't worried. I let things take their course. At this same time I went through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults). It was amazing. Again I learned more, but there was so much. I was overwhelmed. I spoke to my priest, “I don't think I should be confirmed . I don't know everything yet and there is so much. Maybe I should wait.” His response was that if everyone waited until they knew everything that there would be no Catholics in the world cause they would all be busy studying. He told me to not worry, that the beauty of Catholicism is that you grow with it and as you know more about it you become stronger in your faith. Still to this day I don't know it all, but its amazing. Every week I look forward to Mass and what I will learn. I feel like a kid in a toy store with cool new things found at every turn. We got married and out faith is now strongly at the center of our marriage. I have never experience so much peace, love and happiness before in my life. While I still strive to learn everyday now I also teach. I teach with a passion I have never felt.
Often what I hear about when people talk negatively of Catholicism are misunderstandings. I encourage you to take some time and find that nerdy Catholic friend and ask some questions. If they don't know be patient they are still on their journey. Don’t know anyone? There is a wonderful radio show called Catholic Answers Live. I love to listen it’s one of the cool places I go to learn my faith. The other elephant in the room is the priest scandal. I am not going to lie, that was a tough pill to swallow. I will never condone it. The actions and the coverup are not what Catholicism is about. Frankly I am thankful that it has all been uncovered. I think of all the pain and anguish that was caused and I am glad that it is out in the open so that no more can be oppressed. Our children are the most precious gift God ever gives us it is our job to make sure that they are safe. In my parish we work hard to put safeguards in place so that nothing like this happens here. Why does it happen? Satan finds a cracked door and let’s himself in. One of the protestant churches I attended had a scandal of a similar nature. It was horrible, but never think that for a second Satan doesn't want to use situations like these to create doubt and push people away from the faith. Don't think that Satan doesn't want to enter our churches so that he can spoil them and lead people away from God. Know this though, Catholicism will heal more than it hurts. We teach more, feed more, help more and love more than any other faith on the planet. We don't care if you are Catholic or not. We love you and want to help you. Why, not just God tells us to, but because we find peace, love and happiness by following God’s commandments to love everyone we meet as we love ourselves.
As the Gospels say, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,” (Matthew 25:35)
“'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)
I don’t know where you are in your faith. We Catholics are like everyone else. We have good days and bad days. We have times we soar and times that we fall. Honestly as I look at how much I have typed I am a bit amazed. I wasn't planning on writing this much it just comes out when I sit down in my studio with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but I ask you to consider taking some time and look at Catholicism. It is a beautiful thing. It’s more than that church down the street. It’s more than people just against abortion. It’s more than people praying the rosary. It’s more than a handful of priests that lost their way. It’s more than people donating a bit of time at a food bank, it’s so much more, and we are waiting to share it with you. Thank you for your time. Thank you for reading. God bless you. I pray that you have a wonderful day and an amazing journey with God.
Michael
Whisper Behind the Light
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