A Poem: Inside My Thoughts and Waiting

“Inside My Thoughts and Waiting”

My eyes are closed 

Inside the yearnings of my mind

Im on the beach I feel the sun

The waves are crashing free and kind

I fill my lungs with open air

And too I open my eyes

A midwest plain so far to see

My hands reach to the sky

No weight is felt I’m shackles free

Sweet sounds dance in my mind

All is right for all is just

As I stand still in this time

A breeze so soft crawls over me

Then slowly fades away

The grass bends under my feet

As I glide along with grace I know that this will end

I will wake to a cold winters day 

And for myself I must be patient

For summer is not long away

So soon will become the hour

When its time to fly away

Till then I’ll hold the beauty

Inside my mind of a summer’s day

A Poem: Sitting Through the Seasons

“Sitting Through the Seasons”

Sitting in a summer day

Muscles sore and empty vessel surrounds

The birds are silent waiting for their orders

A new bone to pick rises on the horizon

Stretching for hope a seam begins to tear

A little bit of sun breaks through

Hope like a spring dwells within

Sitting on an Autumn day

Time is trickling people hurting one is bleeding

Somehow the crowd just bustles along

Sweet and innocent the girl is treasured

Though fingers just tap when she’s missing

Some wonder if a new girl can be bought

Its a shame they don’t sell them at the store

Sitting on a Winter day

The wind is blowing quickly they all walk

You could run but the jester waits to laugh

Cold hearts and cold smiles throw rocks at the lights

Where is your jubilee now they ask

Hiding in a dark corner of a closet 

The warm celebration begins looking over shoulders

Sitting on a Spring day

Life is a new celebration rings with old returns

Folding hands and tapping fingers divise

Plans and blueprints to foil the old man’s idea

Widows stick out their tongues at dark clouds

She has them beat no one is darker than her

All in all encircles they dance to the joy of death

Sitting here everyday

I watch a new Sun sprout

The Pearl Jam Influence: "Take Them Away"

I like to listen to lots of different types of music. I really find it hard to listen to something and not find something in it that I like. Pearl Jam came on to the scene and was one of the band that really seemed to flip things upside down. Their first 2 records were considered fairly "safe" and "mainstream" by Alternative and Punk standard but when recording Vs. they started to push the artistic envelope. I like all of there music and I here some influence from their later recordings on this track I recently recorded.

Lyrically its about overcoming demons. I have fought with my fair share over the years. Even in the chaos there were moments of clarity and I guess that lends to the music's textures as well. I found that my way out was a faith in God. I realized that he loved me no matter what and like a father was just waiting for me to come home. He welcomed me with open arms. Through the Bible I have found teachings that have helped guide me down a better path. Jesus taught me how to love and made my life more full because putting his teachings on how to love in practice has filled the once empty hole in my life.

I know that some people think that being a Christian is stupid, but it has really opened up doors in my life. Doors that have led to love both giving and receiving. I am still not a perfect man and God doesn't expect me to be. Being a Christian gives me the discipline to live a good, healthy life. If you find a hole in your life that needs filled I suggest you give God a try. He loves you and is waiting for you. He accepts you as you are and just wants you to become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

This is just a rough demo but I couldn't sleep last night so I thought I would throw it out into the world of the internet for the heck of it.


Listen to the song by clicking here


Lyrics and Scripture the song is based on:

<Verse 1>

Take it out of me

I can’t bare to see 

I just want to find my way home

You have the way

To take me there

I just need some peace of mind

<Break>

<Verse2>

I love you so

Everywhere you go

I try to follow in kind

All your precious word

All the things I learn

You’ve taught me in golden time 

<Chorus>

Too much inside can’t you see

Everything is now pulling me

From the seams to the eternity

Take these demons away

<Verse 3>

I’ve been waiting here

For the sun to bear

All the pain I have inside

Just a little child

That can’t stop cry’n 

Won’t please just take the time 

<Chorus 2x’s>

Too much inside can’t you see

Everything is now pulling me

From the seams to the eternity

Take these demons away

<Break>

I need you 

I need you

I need you to cover me

<Chorus 2x’s>

Too much inside can’t you see

Everything is now pulling me

From the seams to the eternity

Take these demons away

<Verse 4>

Just a little peace

Is all I need

Just a crumb to pass me by

You take my hand

Lead me to the land

Of hope and peace of mind     

Mark 7: 24 - 30
24	And from there he arose and went away to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And he entered a house, and would not have any one know it; yet he could not be hid.
25	But immediately a woman, whose little daughter was possessed by an unclean spirit, heard of him, and came and fell down at his feet.
26	Now the woman was a Greek, a Syrophoeni'cian by birth. And she begged him to cast the demon out of her daughter.
27	And he said to her, "Let the children first be fed, for it is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."
28	But she answered him, "Yes, Lord; yet even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."
29	And he said to her, "For this saying you may go your way; the demon has left your daughter."
30	And she went home, and found the child lying in bed, and the demon gone.

A Poem: Lost and Waiting

Lost and Waiting

A lifeline has knots and curves out of sight

A random tug pulls once a day

Sometimes so strong and others light 

Her curiosity won’t fade away

Her feet stand close together

Shoes wet she doesn’t want to make a sound

Fear of the unknown anger

Seems thick as fog and all around

Shed sell her talent for matches

So that she could light the way

No one is around for buying 

And she thinks she would just let them down

A blind man holds her honor

Deep inside her head

His hands are tied behind him

And he whispers that he’s dead

A random tug pull again

S hard she nearly falls

She wonders when they’ll let her see 

Or if she’ll see at all

She dreams about her mother 

And the kind words spoke to her

She dreams about her father 

And wishes he would take a turn

Copyright 2014

A Thought: Filling Up With Happiness

To be a man of worry is a terrible thing. If you let fear run your life you can find yourself missing out on a lot as well. On the other side can be just as damaging to think too much of yourself. One can run the risk of being blindsided and hurt all the sam. So what is the answer then? I often find the comfortable path being one of confidence loaded in humility. Confidence was once a very tricky thin for me. For reasons I won’t go into now I spent a large part of my life without confidence. Who could I be? I was just a man with little knowledge and experience in a world that cold squash me like a bug. Then one day I had a realization. Life was not about me. Yes, I had my life and I could do with it what I will but a life lived that is fulfilled is not about me. It was about God. It was about God’s way. To live a life that felt full and satisfying I would have to love with all my heart and all my soul. I came to realize that I am a bottomless pit. No matter how much I poured into me I never felt full. No matter how mcu I drank I would not be happy. No matter how much I ate, the most i could do was get sick but I was not happy. No matter how much stuff I collected it was never enough, I was not happy. Not until I learned the value of flipping the equation and started giving did I feel happiness. Not until I started to love the way God wanted was I happy. I don’t worry so much anymore because I know its not about me, its about God. He grants me what I need to live a life full of love and happiness. With his help and wisdom I have overcome so much. God wants me to love and to serve others and in that I find happiness.

1 Corinthians 2: 1 - 5
1	When I came to you, brethren, I did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God in lofty words or wisdom.
2	For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
3	And I was with you in weakness and in much fear and trembling;
4	and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power,
5	that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

A Poem: Clipping Wings

Clipping Wings

Feathers fall each passing day

Alone I ride again

Around the block sun on my back 

I can’t see the fishbowl

Feathers lay upon the ground

I wonder where they come from

So pretty, light and delicate

Passing Children take them home

Rinding along the view doesn’t change

Somehow I don’t know how to stop

I see the cracks in the sidewalk

Slowly they swallow the feathers

My back is sore again I ride

The wind is lighter against my face

I start to squint its getting dark

Through I pedal the day isn’t over yet

Feathers drift in the air

And slowly fall to the ground

Its not until my wings are gone 

That I know those feathers were mine

Copyright 2014

A Thought: Gifts, Michael Jordan and You

Its important to know your worth.  So many walk through life and take for granted what they see in the mirror.  Every day we look in the mirror. Most of the time Nothing dramatic changes and maybe thats why we take for granted who we are.  Perhaps that is why some feel that they are not special. When we think of special people we think Neil Armstrong, Michael Jordan, Abraham Lincoln, or Pablo Picasso. You should never take for granted though how special you are and what amazing things you can accomplish both good and bad. With this subject I often think of the movie “Its a Wonderful Life”. We pas through our lives so routinely that we take for granted the effect out life has. I ponder sometimes what it might look like if I had starred in that movie. What void would I leave on this world? Have I done anything? More importantly have I done enough? I am sure that there maybe someone reading this thinking that they would leave no void. It is very rare but I suppose not impossible, but that is our choice, your choice. Each day we wake up we have an opportunity to leave the world in better shape than we found it. We have the opportunity to spread love and progress in the world. We can help those in need or turn a blind eye. We can use our gifts or we can hide in a hole. The choice is ours. God has created a wonderful world and filled it with people of varying talents. He gave us this life and this world as a gift, but it is up to us to take care of it. I encourage you to let your light shine to help guide others through love, compassion, patience, and understanding. Develop your gifts to help build that mighty civilization on a hill that shines as hope for so many. God is waiting for you to claim and use your gifts he has given you. He loves you and is waiting for you to come home. Does he expect you to be perfect? No, he knows that we are all flawed, but with his love and teachings we have the ability to become the best versions of ourselves.

Matthew 5:13-16

New International Version (NIV)

Salt and Light

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

A Poem: War of a Conscience

War of a Conscience

Crouched in a corner with a knife to my neck

The shadows of wicked smiling faces all around

Where to give where to go

A blind man tries to show me his story

Goosebumps litter the landscape of my back

cold wet tears are screaming for a home

No one knows why feathers dance

Perhaps its because they’re born free

Dancing naked in the sun

Their beauty out for all to see

No restraints and no regrets

The old woman coward behind her wrinkles

Beauty hidden time slipping truth unknown

The soft kiss of a spring breeze whispers

It’s time to love again it says

It’s time to love again

the strapping man’s bravado is a weathered shield

Holding off the flames from past dragons

Pas battles for a maidens appreciation

Scarred in battle his tired heart strong

Waiting for the weight of her love

So soon will the sun set

Shadows give way to complete darkness

Smiles of the wicked not seen

But the dogs can still hear them

Licking their chops

Down slides the drool

As eyes of the persecuted smile at the stars

A Poem: Tending Garden

Tending Garden

The wind hollows through the old gate

Screams of the rusty hinges pierce the air

Back and forth the gate swings open

The garden is no longer secured

The ground untilled the last harvest uncollected

But the sun is still willing to grow more

Animals steer clear of this once ripe land

Even the insects look here no more

Old footprints barely visible almost eroded and gone

But the soil is rich and has much to offer

Far off in the distance birds are heard calling

There is still hope left in the air

The rain comes to water to see if work has returned

It falls not for aid only mourning this time

Seeds in their package yearn to grow mighty

To nourish the living and become alive

Hands are sore and backs are stiff

Its been a long cold and hard winter

Deep down the farmer is alive

The heart to feels wear and it too needs nourishment

Wide eyes and open hands of the little smiles need taught

How to till, sew, water and love

And nourish all with its bounty on sunny days to come

copyright 2014

A Poem: Where Are You

The dog collar is tight as is the circle

Screams and pleas abound no direction

Sweat fall blood drips smiles are hidden

Where are you? Footsteps echo in the dark

Humid whispers rein down weigh heavy

Giggles and laughter spice the air

A new nudity finds fascination

Where are you? An old man shrugs

The feeding is not over hunger pursues

A skeletal man with a swollen belly

To many of these portraits to count

Where are you? A lonely mother cries

Rusty beams line the hall strength weakened

The concrete floor is pitted showing age

Cracks like wrinkles show time escaped

Old ways crumble to new ideas

Where are you? The sun is shining

Holes in old roof can’t conceal

Rays drop liquid warmth and hope

the threads can weave a blanket

Where are you? A smile is making

Squinted eyes fear of change linger

The grip of desire is strong but fading

Perseverance tackles the old man

Where are you? the room is empty

Strength rises nudity clothed wounds mended

Alone the solitude is strong

The winds of change have filled the room with sweet air

Where are you?

A Poem: Trying to Decide

On the edge of the ocean

Minding what’s warned 

The hopeful man is dancing

But still chained to the floor

The clock is still running

As it rusts by the hour

The children are laughing 

But the clown’s getting sour

Hope keeps on drifting

Like sweet smells on the wind

But nighttime has fallen

And the bakers turned in

Doubts are like pearls

In a line on a string

They shine before eyes

An unforgettable scene

Hands rung to the bleeding

And innocence gone

Large wonders now faded

For the threatened mass scorn

So chained to the block

An old man paces round

Retreading the trail

That just circles round

But inside his head lies

His youthful ideas

That are strong and so able

To break free from that chain

A Thought: The Waiting

Tom Petty said the waiting is the hardest part. I would have to agree. There are so many things in life that I find myself waiting for. I used to have a really hard time waiting for things. I live in a culture where you seem to have instant access to anything you want. Information, BOOM, you got it. Cheesburger, BOOM, you got it YOUR WAY. How to make sweet tea to try and make your wife have but you don’t have a lot of money, BOOM, google and the answer is yours. With this all around me I can get very used to the instant access to things. I can even make coffee in less than 2 minutes now. 

The thing is life really doesn’t work that way. You want to have a child? BOOM, well okay, you got to wait like 10 months. I used to get frustrated with waiting until I started to read my Bible. Over and over again I noticed that God doesn’t get in a hurry to do much. Even look at Sodom (the town that became rife with all that is wrong and evil) God waited and waited for its repentance before finally dealing with that town and still managed to spare the righteous souls that remained. Noah had to spend 40 day and nights in an ark floating around with a bunch of animals doing what animals do on a daily basis before hitting land. Moses took the Israelites walking through the desert for 40 years to get to the promise land. If you walked straight there you could get there in a few weeks but God wanted to recondition his chosen people so that they would stand long as a solid nation. Even before Moses entered the picture the Israelites spent a very long time in bondage under Egyptian rule. God doesn’t get in a hurry to do anything. 

I love my wife very much and like many other women she found an interest for the Twilight movies. Occasionally she will like to watch the series because she likes the story. I was watching one of them the other day with her. I think it was the last one, and at the end there was a big battle of the vampires and there was this old vampire that saw two others coming at him to kill him and he was like “Oh, finally” or something. Like he had been waiting a long time for his end. Thats a bit morbid and strange but that is how I have felt with somethings. I waited so long for some of of the things that I have wanted in life that when they come its sorta like, oh finally, thank you. 

God does come through though and you got to be prepared for it. You can pray and pray and pray for a hammer just don’t be surprised when a shovel shows up. God works in interesting ways. I would say that he is very smart cause I am a father now so I understand his ways, a BIT better. Many times I will have my children ask for things and I will reply with not exactly what they want. My Step-son will ask for money and I will offer him chores to do for money so that he can earn what he wants. My 5 yr old will ask for the largest pack of candy on the shelf at the store and I will escort him to the candy he has at home on the cupboard. God kinda works like that. I remember when we would be getting ready to go on a trip when I was young, and it never seemed to fail that we would finally get into the car and as we drove out of town he would seem to make an endless number of stops. I was in complete agony. I just wanted to get to the fun stuff and here Dad was stopping everywhere talking forever to people. For the longest time it seemed like God was like that. 

I know that it can seem like an eternity or that God never answers your prayers but the best thing to do is to keep praying. You have to spend some time with him in prayer. Give him some face time talk to him a little and you will find the answers to your questions. I know that it may sound weird, really weird if you are new to the concept of prayer, faith or God in general but it is true and it does work. You have to have patience. The world was not made in a day so it is tough to imagine that anything else God does will be done quickly. You have to realize that its not so much what you think you need but the things learned on the path to getting what you need. Many people have relied on God over the years and I know of few who were disappointed who were patient, observant and open to knowledge through a journey. I suggest the same to you. Pray, ask for what you want. Talk to God on end about it. Take time to learn the teachings of Jesus. Love, try to love like you have never loved before. Learn, reflect and pray and you will get what you need. God loves you, he won’t abandon you, but you have to accept him for the loving father that he is and he will shine for you and in you.

Luke 2: 22 - 32
22	And when the time came for their purification according to the law of Moses, they brought him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord
23	(as it is written in the law of the Lord, "Every male that opens the womb shall be called holy to the Lord")
24	and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the law of the Lord, "a pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons."
25	Now there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon, and this man was righteous and devout, looking for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him.
26	And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he should not see death before he had seen the Lord's Christ.
27	And inspired by the Spirit he came into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him according to the custom of the law,
28	he took him up in his arms and blessed God and said,
29	"Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word;
30	for mine eyes have seen thy salvation
31	which thou hast prepared in the presence of all peoples,
32	a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and for glory to thy people Israel."

A Thought: Being Scared

Not that long ago I was scared to death of being scared. Its a really paralyzing thing. Being afraid of getting scared sounds ridiculous but it is an example of how paranoia can really set in. Fear can be like a snowball, small and nothing much, but roll it around in the snow a bit and you can have a real snow boulder on your hands. I have come a long way and the road was winding and long, but I have gotten to the point where I do not fear like I once did. My faith has helped me with that so much .

I know that one day my children will leave me and it will be very heart-breaking. I love them so much I love sharing life with them. I love them so much that I want to keep them safe at all times. I lecture them sternly on what to be careful of though I am sure that if you asked my children they would tell you that I am just controlling and unreasonable. (and I laugh to myself)

I thought much of my parents too. I had a ton of faith that nothing would happen to me because I was young and invincible. I had faith that I would be protected I would be kept out of harm’s way. As I got older and learned more about the world I learned what was possible. What could happen to me at any moment in any combination of ways. After being hurt and hurt very hard several times I began to regress and fear what was around every corner. 

I came through it all rather well. The bottom of that hole where it was the darkest I have ever seen is when I looked up and saw light. First I whispered, then spoke and eventually yelled for help. It took some time and things did get better. The day that things really turned around is the day I literally got down on my knees and prayed, and prayed hard. I know for non-believers that this may seem foolish or stupid. I can’t explain it myself but that act of getting down on my knees and asking for help, not for myself as I recall, but for someone else truly changed something. 

I am nobody, I am a flawed man that with God’s help makes it through this life. There are some real twists and turns but I know that God is with me and will help me every step of the way. God sent his son Jesus and I am thankful. I really like to read the Gospels in the New Testament. If you read nothing else I encourage you to take some time and read these. They are an easy read with the (EVS) version and speak volumes. Jesus’s ministry didn’t really last that long but it has had an effect on this world and so many people. The theme of love, how to love and to what length is so weighty. You may read the lines and they may seem simple. They did to me, and then I had some faith and started practicing them. Day by day step by step things got better. I thought it may be a fluke but like I said I am a flawed man. I am a sinner and I have gone through periods in my life where I have gotten off the path and thats when my life usually starts going bad. Soon as I start reflecting, reading and practicing the words of Jesus though things start to get better. 

Is my life perfect? No, but I have a guide to help deal with life and it’s twists and turns. There is evil in the world. There is disaster and with the love and community I receive with God and Jesus’s teachings and help from the Holy Spirit I make it through it all. I encourage you to do the same. God loves you and wants you to be happy. He gives you free will to choose to love him back or not. You can choose to follow his teachings/principle or not. He will love you all the same. Just as my children frustrate me (because I love them) and disobey my rules and walk away from me I stand there waiting with open arms to welcome them back and hug them when they decide to come home. 

I have faith that anytime I need help I can call on God. He may not give me what I want, like my 5yr old get mad when I won’t let him eat a plate full of cookies for dinner. God though does help me with what I need. You should never feel alone though. Have faith that he is there beside you. Take time to read a bit of his teachings, and have the faith to try and put them into practice. A world of wonderful is out there waiting to have you. You only need to have the faith to see that God loves you and will take care of you.

Mark 4: 35 - 41
35	On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side."
36	And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him.
37	And a great storm of wind arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already filling.
38	But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care if we perish?"
39	And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
40	He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Have you no faith?"
41	And they were filled with awe, and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey him?"