Waide's Story: Moving Forward

Moving Forward

“What are you doing?”, whispered the voice inside his head. “Nothing, and shut up!” Waide exclaimed aloud. His conscience was getting the better of him and being rather loud today. Suddenly a vivid flashback of washing dishes at his boyhood home. He dropped one of his mother’s favorite drinking glasses and it shattered helplessly on the floor. The whole sequence seemed to happen in slow motion. He tried to grab the glass but he was just too slow. The shattering noise of the glass echoed and slowly morphed in to his mother screaming, “What are you doing? Pay attention!”, the scowl on her face shook his mind. Waide loved his mother very much and making her upset was something he  couldn’t handle. Whenever he disappointed his mother he felt like he would have to do one hundred right things to make up for each wrong, but even that wouldn’t be enough.

Waide stood there with his face starring in the mirror trying to complete his morning routine. His head still pounding he refused to grab anything for the pain out of his medicine cabinet. Maybe he felt he deserved the pain for drinking too much last night. Maybe he deserved the pain because it reminded him that he was alive. He still had time to make things right if he was. He still had time to find the answers. He still had time for things that he didn’t know he needed time for. After finishing the mundane tasks at hand he exited the bathroom. He put on his uniform and prepared to go to work. No matter how much he washed his clothes or what he used they still stunk of that restaurant. Washing five thousand dishes a day, the stench would become a part of the clothing as the dye in the cloth was. He worried that he smelled the same way or worse. The last thing he wanted was that stench following him through life. Always marked always known as a nothing. Head hung low he walked out the door of his apartment. He always told himself that he starred at the floor walking because he was afraid of tripping. He was such a klutz, but really there was more to it. He was ashamed, alone and undeserving. If he just stayed in his own little world then he might be safe except from himself until. Until he saw those eyes. Then he was done for, nothing would be the same after he looked into her eyes.